Come what may

I looked at the stars yet I saw darkness. I was thinking that whichever corner my eyes drew into, there will always be that longing for sparks. Just a little forward? backward? side ward? How much farther can I go for distant lights? How many years does it take to say that “life has finally happened to me!”

 

Wishing for the right time, patience has its way to offer for the best. In midst of difficulties, one must soar high to collect stars, not by gazing but to reach for them. To jump high, no, but to jump higher and believe that we are the stars of our own selves.

 

Failures make us stronger and independent. I am one of the billion people in the world who has gone countless depression and frustrations in life. And I say sorry for myself, for the things I have done and for the things I have failed to accomplish. I don’t want to rant each part of it but in general, to aim for the best shot is not that easy. Bumpy roads and a never ending ups and downs do come in my way but I know God has come to save the day. I admit, I once told myself to just give up because it is the easier than to keep up the struggles going. But the Lord is keeping on pursuing me to stay still and focus on forward. I have tried to step down that road of sorrows just to consider my tiredness. But, soon I realized, I can never escape that road. The longer I remain sitting down on that corner, is the longer it would make me to see the best days of my life. I know right now, it may seem like I have not yet done my best-est yet, but I also know for sure that every single day is closer to improvement as long as I keep going and go for the extra mile. My dreams are still inside of me. Keeping the fire burning and a never ending adventure awaits. Come what may.

 

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21 Tries

 

I.

The dreams in the vast horizons,

Entwined to the road of infinity,

From its first blossom to metamorphosis

It’s grandeur and never ending bloom.

II.

“Ding-dong” calls the chances,

Letting it echo in my head.

Got some questions, got it covered.

What would I do to live it in joy?

III.

Is this the chaotic war in humanity?

To be confused and feeling like exploding,

With thoughts I’ve kept inside,

Therefore, this should stop.

IV.

Where would I stand?

Let the river flow?

or go against the current?

Let me distance with these decisions.

V.

The birds that fly along the mountains,

Any bird will do as long as it deviate my mind,

Blocking its view in my eyes,

But never the heart in distraction.

VI.

Living through the life I wanted,

Translating the voices in my head,

Connecting the dots along the choices I make,

To be puzzled by the thought of love.

VII.

Love? How can I say it best?

How can I defend myself from its terrible will?

Give me my fair trial…

I’m not yet ready to be imprisoned forever.

VIII.

There are bunch of things on my mind right now,

Proceeding to the negativity at its own way,

Following all the commutative laws of the norm,

Tell me my heart, what do I stand for?

IX.

Keep me away from the fire of love,

I might die from its burning desire.

Forgive me my dearest heart,

You are something I can’t endure.

X.

To whom can I rely?

Can you me why?

Writing my own thoughts,

To whom can I quote?

XI.

This truth at the back of my mind,

To which I cannot deny.

Am I falling for him all along?

Or was this just a created confusion?

XII.

I cannot define what’s inside my bottled feelings,

So afraid of what it could reveal.

Inside of me, no one holds the key,

But only Him alone knows where the door held.

XIII.

Tell me I’m insane and weak,

For simplicity sake, I still insist:

“I’m not in love! I’m not,I’m not”

As the shouts exploded, my heart cried.

XIV.

To love and to be loved in return,

Isn’t it wonderful dear Almie?

Says the crying heart

But how can I know if he is the One?

XV.

As far as I know,

My heart is in alarm,

Torn between the thought of falling,

Am I going to fall in love? or fall into pieces?

XVI.

Hundreds? Thousands? It might be Millions…

Millions of butterflies attacking my belly,

Feelings I cannot comprehend,

Because you were just a dream I once knew.

XVII.

Why am I like this nowadays?

Longed to hold someone’s arms.

I just can’t believe this is happening inside my system,

I never thought, I would be right for you.

XVIII.

Is there something that is much greater than love?

It’s a thing I cannot drive at my control.

My will is weakened by it’s powerful clash,

Can I just give in and let it flow me?

XIX.

Show me the road to light,

I cannot conquer its bright.

Blinded by the shine it brings,

Filled with magic coated with weirdness feelings.

XX.

I have doubted myself a hundred times,

In any ways, I find resolutions,

To fulfill my mind with hope,

To still have faith in love and the joy it brings…

XXI.

Remembering the happiness I felt whenever I’m with you,

From the first time you uttered my name,

I smile and wondered, my world became new,

How can I stop myself from falling in love with you?

 

 

Letters to Words to Phrases to Sentences to Feelings

Every single letter

that makes up the matter,

Of this and that,

From where I sat.

Every single word

that comes with worth,

Such things to wonder,

Those files in folder.

Every single phrase

Accounts to any craze.

Oh! such hanging thoughts,

That were never told.

Every single sentence

Comes with the essence,

That could make the mind happy,

Or that could make the mind grumpy.

Every single feeling,

Keeping me falling,

How can I deny?

To whom can I rely?

Every single unsent letter,

Compose of words that enter,

Striking the heart from phrases to sentences,

Stuck to the feeling of hollowness.

11/7/15

-AlmieJ.