Sa bawat paglakad ay damang dama ang labis na pagkasabik ng puso. Hindi maintindihan ang nadarama sa unang sulyap ng iyong mga mata. Tila bukambibig ang lahat ng matatamis na bagay sa mundo. Ang sarili ay ‘di maalintana sapagkat tumatangis ang bawat silakbol ng damdamin at ika’y niyakap sa unang pagkakataon… Oo, sa kauna-unahang pagkakataong nakita ka, sa wakas.
Kasing bilis rin ng dyip ang pag-apaw ng kasiyahang hatid ng bawat pag-ngiti. Hindi pansin ang paligid pagkat ang iyong paggalaw lamang ang tanging sinisilip. Sulyap ng mata’y hindi maiwas, karugtong ng pag-ambit ng bawat tinaga mula sa iyong malalim na pagbigkas na tila’y musika sa ‘king pandinig.
Mga kwentong marathon na hindi mahahalili sa mga nababasa sa telebisyon. Kahit maghapon na magkasama’y tuloy pa rin ang pagkilala sa isa’t isa na ‘di ko mawari na ganito pala… Ganito pala kaysarap titigan ang iyong mga mata, pakinggan ang iyong mga tinaga, ang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay, ang sumandal sa iyong balikat habang pinapakinggan ang musikang tayo lamang ang nakakarinig. Ganito pala kaysarap mahulog sa iyo, oh, giliw ko.
Di ko namalayan ang oras ng bawat pag patak ng segundo sa bawat pagtama ng ating mga mata ay tila natatamaan ang puso. Hahayaan nalang ang damdamin na tila langit ang nadarama tulad ng pagsikat ng araw sa silangan hanggang sa paglubog nito sa kanluran. Walang katapusang saloobin kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Sa kung ano ang meron sa wala at kung ano ang wala sa meron. Pagkat ‘di ko mapagtanto kung bakit tila ang pagtawa mo ang pinapapangarap ko.
Ang mga butuin sa kalangitan ay walang katulad sa kislap ng iyong mga mata. Ang pagdampi ng lamig ng hangin sa aking balat ay ‘di alintana pagkat ang presensya mo ay nangingibabaw. Isinawasiwas lamang ang pagka hiya ‘pagkat hangad lamang ay ang makilala ka. Hindi pansin ang mga taong nasa paligid dahil sa patuloy kong pinagmamasdan ang bawat anggulo mo na babaunin ko sa pag-alis. Sa pag-alis kong baon ang iyong mga ngiti at tawa, baon ang kwento mong salamin ng iyong buhay, baon ang mga alaalang parte ako ng buhay mo sa oras na ito.. mula sa ‘ting pagkikita hanggang sa aking pagsakay.
Sa pagduyan ay laman ng isipan ang pangakong hintayan. Sa dapit hapon ng ating pag liway, tugma ang bawat ritmo na sumasang-ayon sa labis na tiwala na ‘di malilimutan kailanpaman. Hindi linggid sa ‘king kaalaman na ganito pala kasaya ang isiping hindi ako nag-iisa sa pagtungo sa kinabukasan. Sa tuwina ay napapaindak sa saya, dama ang kaba, at lahat ng pwedeng madama sa hatid nitong hamon sa buhay ko. ‘Di mapigil ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso, tanong ko tuloy, ito na ba ang para sa akin?
Pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili sa kasiyahang parang sumasabog ang lahat ng nasa loob ko. Kasabay ng pag-agos ng dugo sa aking mga ugat ay ang paggulo ng sistema na ‘di ko lubos maintindihan. Ngunit kabigha-bighani ang kapayapaang natagpuan sa balikat mo nang sa pagsandal ko’y dama ang bawat sandali nito.
Walang pakundangan ang kulitan na sa’yo lamang iaalay. Pangako ay mananaig, magunaw man ang daigdig. Pero alam kong daig ka pa saken kung kiligin, awh ah. Hahahaha! Tila wala na ‘tong katapusan, tadhana na ang may sadya tulad ng kalawakang walang hanggan. Sa daraang araw, oras, at sandali, dagdag sa mithiin ko sa buhay, ay aalayan ka ng pang-habangbuhay- wagas at tapat na suyuan hanggang sa huli oh, giliw ko.
October 29, 2016
Come what may
I looked at the stars yet I saw darkness. I was thinking that whichever corner my eyes drew into, there will always be that longing for sparks. Just a little forward? backward? side ward? How much farther can I go for distant lights? How many years does it take to say that “life has finally happened to me!”
Wishing for the right time, patience has its way to offer for the best. In midst of difficulties, one must soar high to collect stars, not by gazing but to reach for them. To jump high, no, but to jump higher and believe that we are the stars of our own selves.
Failures make us stronger and independent. I am one of the billion people in the world who has gone countless depression and frustrations in life. And I say sorry for myself, for the things I have done and for the things I have failed to accomplish. I don’t want to rant each part of it but in general, to aim for the best shot is not that easy. Bumpy roads and a never ending ups and downs do come in my way but I know God has come to save the day. I admit, I once told myself to just give up because it is the easier than to keep up the struggles going. But the Lord is keeping on pursuing me to stay still and focus on forward. I have tried to step down that road of sorrows just to consider my tiredness. But, soon I realized, I can never escape that road. The longer I remain sitting down on that corner, is the longer it would make me to see the best days of my life. I know right now, it may seem like I have not yet done my best-est yet, but I also know for sure that every single day is closer to improvement as long as I keep going and go for the extra mile. My dreams are still inside of me. Keeping the fire burning and a never ending adventure awaits. Come what may.
Letters to Words to Phrases to Sentences to Feelings
Every single letter
that makes up the matter,
Of this and that,
From where I sat.
Every single word
that comes with worth,
Such things to wonder,
Those files in folder.
Every single phrase
Accounts to any craze.
Oh! such hanging thoughts,
That were never told.
Every single sentence
Comes with the essence,
That could make the mind happy,
Or that could make the mind grumpy.
Every single feeling,
Keeping me falling,
How can I deny?
To whom can I rely?
Every single unsent letter,
Compose of words that enter,
Striking the heart from phrases to sentences,
Stuck to the feeling of hollowness.
Are all of these things make sense?
We are living on a planet called earth. Each of us has their own stories to tell. My story is about my plans for life. Digging up from its most inner core, I admit that I’ve been so persistent to be the best version I can become. The way I see things, I want to do it in a way that I could attain the dream achievement of my life.
So I asked myself, “Are all of these things make sense?” At first, I doubted myself if I can really pursue what I wanted in life. I was trying to create different conclusions asking myself about my future plans. At the end of the day, we all lay down in bed and say ” Life ” is what we make it.
I did face dramas, all the craps, failures , frustrations, criticisms, and other bullshits in life that made me realize that “SHIT HAPPENS” indeed. In fact, I am used to it by now. In my almost 19 years of existence, I realized that life is on how we really deal with it.
I keep on reminding myself that everything is according to God’s perfect plan for my life. Even though problems come along and obstacles pave its way to me, I will never be afraid to conquer it all because I trust God. I have all the issues in my life that could slow down my life’s progress but, how could I deny the fact that God is with me? That I just have to trust on Him and rely to whatever circumstances I might encounter, knowing He is with me. I am thankful for this life He give to me.
Even though, it is not perfect, I still choose to follow Him. He knows the way and the truth in my life. Challenges in school makes me wanna scream and give it up. But the promise of good future of Christ motivates me a lot.
Perseverance is essential in order for us to attain good results. But before anything else, I still make it to accept the fact that life on earth is a temporary journey that will come to pass. What matters most is our relationship with the One above who made us feel the happiness, the love, and the sorrows here on earth. Living is easy. In the past, myself used to struggle on things I thought that really matters the most.
As I went along my quest, I found out that this is not my final destination yet. Towards good goals in life, determination is a must. The heart needs to be heard, and our desires in life need attention. Equipped with perseverance and hard work are just recipes to reach our dreams.
The things I’ve lost in the daily battles of my life do not matter anymore. Because, I only gain in life. According to Job 1:21, “21 He said, “I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!”. Now, I come to my senses and concluded that this is the truth. The medals, awards, money, properties, and jewelries, I cannot bring all of these when I die. That’s why, material or worldly things don’t matter. What matters most is on how we turned out to be. Being molded by God’s grace and His will for our life brings us to wherever we are today.
Every decision I make, I always make it to the point that I let God know about it. I asked God if this is the right thing to say or to do. I always wanted to make God as daily part of my life. I may not know what the future beholds, but all I ever believe are the promises of Christ. According to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans not to harm you but to prosper you, to provide you a future and a hope.” I hold on to the words He left for me. I should not worry about what tomorrow comes for tomorrow will worry about itself. So let him have your worries and cares for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.(Peter 5:7).
In everything I wanted to do, I want to be happy. But being happy for myself is not the only thing I need. My greatest achievement in life is to make my parents happy. Oh, seeing their smiles and their laughter soothes my heart. And the most important thing of all, is to please God glorifying His name in every single day of my life. I love God, and I am not ashamed to tell the world how I feel. I’m trying to live life to the fullest, enjoying every moment, giving value to every little conversations with the people I meet and of course, in top of all, to love, and to feel love. Everything else makes sense to me now. It is clear to say…LIFE IS SIMPLY AMAZING.
Lonely Poet from Southeast
Across the vast ocean of Visayas,
There is an island called Panay,
Where this lonely poet resides,
It is where her education is located.
From the scorching heat of the sun,
To the singing breeze of wind,
She sailed across the islands of Surigao
To Cebu and To Iloilo.
Lovely view, she sees.
Hoping for hope,
A career in the future,
As lovely as a tree.
She doubts for golds and madness
Instead she aims for joy and fulfillness
The day her feet stop by in the port,
Feeling of loneliness she felt away.
Breakingaway those sorrows,
Working it out to and fro
Thoroughly embodied knowledge
And wisdom to be wise.
This lonely poet has a lover.
A lover from there province,
I say no months of tears,
Say no days of sadness.
There comes moments of despairs,
No one to hold, no one to cure.
Just a little prayer,
All she became was a healer.
Soon after the downs and failures,
Love will find her way,
All those broken promises and
Disappointments all faded away.
Strengthened her heart
Accepted the defeat,
All the love she ever receive,
She’s thankful as can be.
To be a fool is a choice,
To be a martyr twice is stupidity,
To be moron is a sin,
To be weak is illness.
The heart of the lonely poet,
All turned into pieces,
When she saw his loving lover,
Sitting down staring at another bliss.
Crying it loud last night
On the day of the hearts she lay,
One letter to God she sent,
Hoping for the recovery of her soul.
Painful as it may sound,
Hurting as it may to tell.
All the sacrificed joy all poured,
To a guy who just taken her for granted, I’m sure.
Deeper meaning of words,
The lonely poet sat down to write
A poem of feelings as it she call it,
Profound understanding is her hobby.
She tried to close her eyes,
She remembered the very detail
How he looks at her,
That stare he had given once for her.
The lonely poet tried to look back
Reminisced all the memories that they had
She asked why and where did she go wrong,
She asked what else am I less for?
Convincing oneself to love you is harsh
Pity is the source.
Like a rose, trampled on the ground,
Her feelings was dying for him.
Due to a numerous of chances,
Nothing changed just the becoming of worst,
Living through the promises of forever
Where would it take her by the lies?
Poor lonely poet,
All was left was her thoughts of feelings,
Being cheated, robbed by the man he trusts
She doesn’t know how to live by again,
New day has come,
New unfolded thoughts coming up.
It might be sounding so quick,
Atlast she comes to her senses.
To know her limits,
To know her worth,
Importance to her youth,
Significance to her existence.
Live not by giving the happiness to a person
Being careful enough to trust it all
Heart is just a fragile cause
Might be damaged and hard to heal itself.
She stand tall and let it go,
Everyday where she goes,
She will remember him,
Not just a memory but a lesson.
Wasted love she might say,
Through it all, it’s worth the try.
The trial in search for true love isn’t easy afterall.
In the long run, one will not leave you nor forsake you.
That’s Jesus Christ, she believes in Him,
The one real love of all,
Her faith on Him rising up
Like a phoenix on fire.
To love is for two,
Not just for one,
To love is to heal,
To forgive and to be humble.
To love and be loved in return,
To be happy, and to make someone happy,
To give and never expect to receive.
To create an everlasting sense of commitment.
Trust is important,
Never lose it.
Love is both a choice and a feeling.
Never take it for granted.
The lonely poet is moving on,
Leaving the past behind her.
To continue life,
And living life to the fullest.
She discovers that she has everything,
She has Christ, Family, Friends and good education.
She somehow realizes how important it is to take care of her heart.
To free herself from loss and let it not be part.
Her life is like a rolling stone,
Sometimes she’s up, sometimes she’s down.
But she never is afraid to walk thru it.
Along its final way, she knew she will survive.
The perfect time will come,
By God’s perfect plan it will be very soon.
To delight by God’s love,
Hope will never die from her heart.
The lonely poet never know where it will be going,
She will just enjoy the thrill or dismay.
But she believes in her heart,
God has prepared a man exclusively only for her.
“Come what may lonely poet, Come what may my dearest self.”
Droplets of Rain
August 15, 2014
High above from its deepest shines the warming glow of sun. Spinning through the wind, catching the sun’s little particles and chasing the clouds. Frozen valleys cloaked within the vast tip toe, stories behold in sights of an eye.Colorful bliss ran down my veins, seeing the oceans crawlin’ under my feet. Carved in my heart is swollen grace and joy. Wonders of life, golden tree fruitful blessings abided the light tempting shadows. As droplets flow thru the meddow, crunches of growls despite the oddness it brings. Grudges fades, collided with freedom as it flees flawlessly. Rain, Rain, Rain, ain’t you got nothing to say, express your love in a warm way. Stop the cryin’ showers, broken sunshine blossoms at dawn. New beginnings, new love, new life.. Rainbow smiles after the rain. Lil droplets, oh little bitty ones, your beauty is beyond compare, I’ll never see what a man can foresee, this feelin’ can’t go wrong , this feeling is in fire, I come to close my eyes, and feel the breath of life.