It’s Hard

It’s hard,

to check

to check whether you’re doing it right or not.

 

It’s hard,

to encourage

to encourage when you’re the one who needs it the most.

 

It’s hard,

to correct

to correct mistakes of yours than others.

 

It’s hard,

to pay

to pay attention when no one else’s listening.

 

It’s hard,

to react

to react in times in shock and dismay.

 

It’s hard,

to play

to play along the good side of story.

 

It’s hard,

to please

to please everyone about things.

 

It’s hard,

to talk

to talk things openly.

 

It’s hard,

to share

to share a life when you don’t know who cares about.

 

It’s hard,

to smile

to smile when the only thing left in your mind is to cry.

 

It’s hard,

to believe

to believe that something good might happen.

 

It’s hard,

to trust

to trust over and over and over and over and over again.

 

It’s hard,

to forgive

to forgive with open arms and ditch the disappointments.

 

It’s hard,

to forget

to forget all the feelings of sorrow and pain.

 

It’s hard,

to organize

to organize a life full of mess.

 

It’s hard,

to begin

to begin all over again.

 

It’s hard

to lie

to lie a smile when deep inside you’re bleeding.

 

It’s hard

to take

to take so much of other’s time.

 

It’s hard

to ask

to ask for love and importance.

 

It’s hard

to expect

to expect things that could lead to hurt.

 

It’s hard

to stumble

to stumble and fall because somebody has pushed you down.

 

It’s hard

to give

to give thanks when you’re at peak of being sorry.

 

It’s hard

to appreciate

to appreciate when everything around you is unworthy of seeing.

 

It’s hard

to spend

to spend time with yourself all alone in the dark.

 

It’s hard

to see

to see things differently from now and then.

 

It’s hard

to understand

to understand and understand and that’s the only thing that’s left.

 

It’s hard

to cry

to cry out loud on someone’s shoulders.

 

It’s hard

to listen

to listen the imperfectness of life.

 

It’s hard

to achieve

to achieve things that you can’t reach.

 

It’s hard

to create

to create happiness during those sad moments in time.

 

It’s hard

to wish

to wish for the things you can’t have.

 

It’s hard

to value

to value people when you have to let them go.

 

But….

 

 

It’s never been hard

to express

to express a love like this through this poem.

 

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Ati-Atihan 2016

It was one of the most anticipated event  in the Philippines. The Ati-Atihan festival is celebrated from January 8 to 17, 2016 in honor of Senor Sto. Nino de Kalibo. My most awaited moment to enjoy it with friends. Super fun but motion sickness would drive me out of my mind. I could feel every bumps of the road and my stomach wanted to burst.  Luckily, I have survived the long hour travel from Miagao to Kalibo. Indeed, it was an achievement for me not to vomit. I usually do that whenever I have my land trips around Mindanao. One thing that motivates me to decide that I would join is that my will to capture right before my eyes the so called “Mother of all Festivals” here in our country. So much for that, I am thankful to my dear friend, Lindsay who sponsored our stay in Kalibo.  Thank you for the chance to witness the beautiful street dancing parade and to experience the “sad-sad” for the very first time. This feast is worth it.

 

First stop was attending a one heck of a blast night out party with people who wore white. I wore a checkered polo but seriously, I didn’t care about it. What matters the most was that I had a great time partying with my super awesome friends- Nikki, Kat, Lindsay, Toni, Dean, Erschad, Kent, Paul, Inteshar, Dave, and Shaira, . Super cool RAVE II at Ati-atihan Badminton Court Acebedo Farm, New Buswang Kalibo, Aklan. I almost lost my energy dancing all throughout the party. Well spent 250php. HAHAHA. But the party left me a question, why did it feel like I was just doing Zumba at all? HAHAHA Lower pa more.

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On the next day, morning of January 16, 2016, all of us were preparing for the spectacular event why we came for- “Street dances of Ati”Truly, it amazes me to have a closer encounter with the participants, I too did dance with them. Together with Erschad, Dean and Inteshar, we have decided to take pictures outside though we haven’t eaten our breakfast yet or taken a bath at all. haha! But it was worth it. We headed back to  Lola Lilian’s Residence then the rest of us were getting ready for sad-sad around Kalibo,Aklan! Hashtag:Excited much!

Looking back, I never thought I was doing all of that. Never knowing what to expect but to hug freedom and cherish time with good friends. I love the walk, the talk and the bond within us will which makes life so interesting.

Around noon, we’ve started to go walking around and ride a tricycle going to plaza Pastrana Park. We took a little way along the busy streets of Kalibo seeing various supplies and things to buy. The people were very busy selling their goods and sales. Its such a good time for business since it’s the season for rejoicing while celebrating the fiesta with its grandeur. So much for that, we headed to Gaisano and decided to roam around and buy something. I was really overwhelmed by Dave when he gave me a cute headband. We bought the same shirt design too yey! 🙂

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Too soon enough, we got soooo hungry and certainly made our way out to the streets heading to plaza Pastrana. As expected, a lot of people came to watch the festival and colorful costumes by the ati’s. Along with the beating drums, melodic lyres and widest smiles of the dancing troops, we belong to the crowd who were fascinated by its festive atmosphere despite the heat of the sun. It was an amazing moment for me to witness such celebration. And I know I am not alone.

Kind of real good timing to have some henna in our sun-kissed skin and so, Inteshar, Kent, and Shaira got their artistic tattoos. On the other hand, the rest of us got our face paints and head dresses. Almost 100% ready for the sad-sad photoshoots! As we released our energy for the coming of ati tribes, we ran out at the center road to join them dancing and make selfies to any costumed earthling we bumped into.

Realtalk: I was hungry that time yet I was overjoyed by the festivity of this town. Our group headed to Jollibee and as expected, it was a hell of a crowd. Kinda suffocating but still thankful to Dave who reserved seats and tables for us.

After being fueled up by chicken joy and spaghetti, my tank’s ready for another sad-sad. We met at the other side of the road where we stayed for a while to watch the crowd’s parade. We’ve seen, a lot of Family clan members, petron, fisheries, and organizations ramping all the way to plaza. The mob became so aggressive to catch some candies from above a building. It created traffic and it somehow annoyed me. Hahaha! But soon, the parade went smoothly.

It was a fiesta like no other. Maybe because I still haven’t tried to witness street dancing during festivals in our town. It’s my first time and I truly thank God for the chance.

We were planning to join the UP Akeanon and do we headed to mix and match. Along my walk, my slippers got broken because I almost slipped then I was on panic. LOL. But fortunately, I thank Dave for being my savior and for assuring my security to be not lost in the crowd.

 

Along our long way walk, we met super stars! Yeah! Super iron man, !, Super avengers and luckily, got picture with them. I got so excited but I do know that it was just fake abs. oh yeah. hahaha

 

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And then there we go, to UP Akeanon meeting place. We met our Chem Instructor and I also met my close friends there, Emman and Divine. I can sense unity from the Akeanon pips.

By mid afternoon, we drove out by tricycle and we went back to Lola Lilian’s home. I got tired, I got exhausted and I got body pains already but, it was all worth the energy. Thank you God. I really admired Kalibo for patronizing Sr. Sto. Nino so passionately and the people there actively participated the superb event.

I was trying to sit back and relax for a while and suddenly my liveliness went up when I had put my eyes to the television. Its because I love Marc Logan’s TV Show. It’s all jokes and humor and trending videos. Wooh! So much for that, our dinner plan took us to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo at Magdalena Village where we were welcomed by delicious food and also, sing-along with videoke. It was fun and memorable J I smile every time I remember each moment of our trip. Clingy batchmates, indeed.

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Around 10 pm, we headed to Magsaysay park through Lindsay’s dad who fetch us from Magdalena Village. As we stepped out of the car that night, we were welcomed by the flashing fireworks up in the sky creating wondrous sparks and thunder-like sounds. It lasted almost 15 minutes and I can still remember the joy I felt watching the blasting colors up in the blue.

We head back at the residence to rest for a while and planned for Paul’s pre-birthday celeb. Paul volunteered to treat us and enjoyed the rest of the night. I played card games with Kat, Kent, Dave, Shaira, Nikki, Erschad, and Lindsay. It was great and fun!

Before going to sleep, I talked with Dave about random things like this and that , with Nikki and Kat too! and decided to eat some wishing Oreos. A well-spent night of course.

The next morning, January 17, 2016, the day when we we’re about to leave. I woke up early because of Lola Lilian’s cooking, Hayyy,her morning breakfast really smelled so good. Thank you po. I took a shower and took a nap for a while. After that, Erschad, Kent, Dave and me played card games that same morning.

We packed up our things and went to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo once more to eat lunch. Their good family welcomed us and served us food on the table. It was a warm welcome indeed. We were on thinking about going to Caticlan but since classes will be resumed on Monday, we cancelled it right away and also, I only got 500php left on my pocket. lol. By the way, all of us wore Ati-Atihan shirts.

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(At the terminal while waiting for an air conditioned bus) Last minute thoughts before leaving Aklan: “Dapat makasakay mi ug bus kay klase na ugma” “Get ready for hunger games” “Attack kung attack” “Reserve seats” “Shit bahala na mabangga ug giants” “No pain, no seat” No guts, No Pungko” Goshhh. As I pondered all of these on my mind many times, Nikki suddenly put on a scene about Dave being a blind man to get some special treatment for us to ride on easily. Woh! I then realized I was laughing too much. Since I was being forceful enough to held back the exhaustion,  I felt quiet relaxed by the jokes. I so love you friends.I kept silent and waited for the moment when the bus arrived.I stayed strong for that one hell of a step up for me just to ride a bus. I was really scared that time. I told myself that I need to survive this kind of first come-first serve system here. It’s my first time diving in to a very critical position to be against the crowd. HAHAHA It was exciting actually. Thanks for the blind man who motivated me. HAHAHAHA  But, so much for that, I am thankful that all of us got our seats in the bus. Unexpectedly, our bus stopped for almost an hour because we almost got hit when a car over taken our way. Police and authorities got there and filed sanctions about that car. #buswreck

WOWOOOWOOOOHHH!!!! At last, the bus started its engine and rolled its tires going to Iloilo. Finally, we could go home.

Along our trip to Iloilo, my mom scolded me about my activities. I cried. Oh yes. I did. I can’t even smile during our travel from Iloilo to Miagao. My conscience could not take that much. Of course, I know very well that my mom just cared for me. I thank Dave for comforting me that time. Hopefully, someday, they can trust me with my under takings in life. But no regrets, I enjoyed the trip so much! Whose with me? I know you do. Hahaha!

The two day trip was all worth the long hour ride. I’ll miss everything. Not only Aklan but the people I got to know more during my stay in Aklan. Inteshar, Kat, Lindsay, Shaira, Nikki, Dean, Kent, Paul, Dave, Toni and Erschad, I am so thankful that I met you and be part of one of my first time’s in life. I really cherished the time together I had with you and hopefully more trips to come. The bond we’ve shared was priceless and as an expression of my appreciation, I wanna say, Thank you for inviting me. As a “sad-sad” newbie, Ati-atihan surprised me. hahahaha! Exploring a lot of places while learning their culture is really a nice way to enjoy life at its fullest. More blessings to come everyone!  🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ Ati-atihan 2016 “Mother of all Festivals” Viva Sr. Sto. Nino!

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photo by: (C) https://www.fest300.com/festivals/ati-atihan

-AlC2016

 

Maraming araw nang nagdaan

Mula nung ikaw ay aking unang namasdan

Sarili ko’y hindi maintindihan

Dahil ika’y di maalis sa aking isipan

 

Sa tuwina’y ninanais kang makita

Pag andyan ka nama’y nagtatago sa hiya

Ano nga ba ang aking nadarama?

Sa iyo ba ay nahuhulog na?

 

Ano nga bang mahika ang taglay mo?

Sa tuwing andyan ka’y natutulala sayo.

Di ko rin lubos maintindihan sarili ko,

Maipapaliwanang mo ba ang damdaming ito?

 

Sa unang pagkita natin ay di naman ganito

Di ko napansin ang taglay na ganda mo

Dahil siguro’y kaibigan ang pagtingin sayo

Ngunit ngayo’y bigla nalang nagkaganito

 

Di mawari ang nararapat na gawin

Makailang gabi kong pinag isipan rin

Sana’y may makapagpaliwanag sa akin

Ukol sa aking damdamin

 

Ninanais na ika’y parating nariyan

Pagkat lubos ang aking kaligayahan

Sa sobrang saya’y baka di ko mapigilan

Iyong mga pisngi ay aking halikan

 

Maipapahiwatig ko kaya ang lahat sa iyo?

Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon mo?

Tatanggapin mo ba ang nadarama sa iyo?

O sa akin ay umiwas at lumayo?

 

-By Antukin076 12-2-15

21 Tries

 

I.

The dreams in the vast horizons,

Entwined to the road of infinity,

From its first blossom to metamorphosis

It’s grandeur and never ending bloom.

II.

“Ding-dong” calls the chances,

Letting it echo in my head.

Got some questions, got it covered.

What would I do to live it in joy?

III.

Is this the chaotic war in humanity?

To be confused and feeling like exploding,

With thoughts I’ve kept inside,

Therefore, this should stop.

IV.

Where would I stand?

Let the river flow?

or go against the current?

Let me distance with these decisions.

V.

The birds that fly along the mountains,

Any bird will do as long as it deviate my mind,

Blocking its view in my eyes,

But never the heart in distraction.

VI.

Living through the life I wanted,

Translating the voices in my head,

Connecting the dots along the choices I make,

To be puzzled by the thought of love.

VII.

Love? How can I say it best?

How can I defend myself from its terrible will?

Give me my fair trial…

I’m not yet ready to be imprisoned forever.

VIII.

There are bunch of things on my mind right now,

Proceeding to the negativity at its own way,

Following all the commutative laws of the norm,

Tell me my heart, what do I stand for?

IX.

Keep me away from the fire of love,

I might die from its burning desire.

Forgive me my dearest heart,

You are something I can’t endure.

X.

To whom can I rely?

Can you me why?

Writing my own thoughts,

To whom can I quote?

XI.

This truth at the back of my mind,

To which I cannot deny.

Am I falling for him all along?

Or was this just a created confusion?

XII.

I cannot define what’s inside my bottled feelings,

So afraid of what it could reveal.

Inside of me, no one holds the key,

But only Him alone knows where the door held.

XIII.

Tell me I’m insane and weak,

For simplicity sake, I still insist:

“I’m not in love! I’m not,I’m not”

As the shouts exploded, my heart cried.

XIV.

To love and to be loved in return,

Isn’t it wonderful dear Almie?

Says the crying heart

But how can I know if he is the One?

XV.

As far as I know,

My heart is in alarm,

Torn between the thought of falling,

Am I going to fall in love? or fall into pieces?

XVI.

Hundreds? Thousands? It might be Millions…

Millions of butterflies attacking my belly,

Feelings I cannot comprehend,

Because you were just a dream I once knew.

XVII.

Why am I like this nowadays?

Longed to hold someone’s arms.

I just can’t believe this is happening inside my system,

I never thought, I would be right for you.

XVIII.

Is there something that is much greater than love?

It’s a thing I cannot drive at my control.

My will is weakened by it’s powerful clash,

Can I just give in and let it flow me?

XIX.

Show me the road to light,

I cannot conquer its bright.

Blinded by the shine it brings,

Filled with magic coated with weirdness feelings.

XX.

I have doubted myself a hundred times,

In any ways, I find resolutions,

To fulfill my mind with hope,

To still have faith in love and the joy it brings…

XXI.

Remembering the happiness I felt whenever I’m with you,

From the first time you uttered my name,

I smile and wondered, my world became new,

How can I stop myself from falling in love with you?

 

 

Letters to Words to Phrases to Sentences to Feelings

Every single letter

that makes up the matter,

Of this and that,

From where I sat.

Every single word

that comes with worth,

Such things to wonder,

Those files in folder.

Every single phrase

Accounts to any craze.

Oh! such hanging thoughts,

That were never told.

Every single sentence

Comes with the essence,

That could make the mind happy,

Or that could make the mind grumpy.

Every single feeling,

Keeping me falling,

How can I deny?

To whom can I rely?

Every single unsent letter,

Compose of words that enter,

Striking the heart from phrases to sentences,

Stuck to the feeling of hollowness.

11/7/15

-AlmieJ.

Are all of these things make sense?

We are living on a planet called earth. Each of us has their own stories to tell. My story is about my plans for life. Digging up from its most inner core, I admit that I’ve been so persistent to be the best version I can become. The way I see things, I want to do it in a way that I could attain the dream achievement of my life.

So I asked myself, “Are all of these things make sense?” At first, I doubted myself if I can really pursue what I wanted in life. I was trying to create different conclusions asking myself about my future plans. At the end of the day, we all lay down in bed  and say ” Life ” is what we make it.

I did face dramas, all the craps, failures , frustrations, criticisms, and other bullshits in life that made me realize that “SHIT HAPPENS” indeed. In fact, I am used to it by now. In my almost 19 years of existence, I realized that life is on how we really deal with it.

I keep on reminding myself that everything is according to God’s perfect plan for my life. Even though problems come along and obstacles pave its way to me, I will never be afraid to conquer it all because I trust God. I have all the issues in my life that could slow down my life’s progress but, how could I deny the fact that God is with me? That I just have to trust on Him and rely to whatever circumstances I might encounter, knowing He is with me. I am thankful for this life He give to me.

Even though, it is not perfect, I still choose to follow Him. He knows the way and the truth in my life. Challenges in school makes me wanna scream and give it up. But the promise of good future of Christ motivates me a lot.

Perseverance is essential in order for us to attain good results. But before anything else, I still make it to accept the fact that life on earth is a temporary journey that will come to pass. What matters most is our relationship with the One above who made us feel the happiness, the love, and the sorrows here on earth. Living is easy. In the past, myself used to struggle on things I thought that really matters the most.

As I went along my quest, I found out that this is not my final destination yet. Towards good goals in life, determination is a must. The heart needs to be heard, and our desires in life need attention. Equipped with perseverance and hard work are just recipes to reach our dreams.

The things I’ve lost in the daily battles of my life do not matter anymore. Because, I only gain in life. According to Job 1:21, “21 He said, “I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!”. Now, I come to my senses and concluded that this is the truth. The medals, awards, money, properties, and jewelries, I cannot bring all of these when I die. That’s why, material or worldly things don’t matter. What matters most is on how we turned out to be. Being molded by God’s grace and His will for our life brings us to wherever we are today.

Every decision I make, I always make it to the point that I let God know about it. I asked God if this is the right thing to say or to do. I always wanted to make God as daily part of my life. I may not know what the future beholds, but all I ever believe are the promises of Christ. According to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans not to harm you but to prosper you, to provide you a future and a hope.” I hold on to the words He left for me. I should not worry about what tomorrow comes for tomorrow will worry about itself. So let him have your worries and cares for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.(Peter 5:7).

In everything I wanted to do, I want to be happy. But being happy for myself is not the only thing I need. My greatest achievement in life is to make my parents happy. Oh, seeing their smiles and their laughter soothes my heart. And the most important thing of all, is to please God glorifying His name in every single day of my life. I love God, and I am not ashamed to tell the world how I feel. I’m trying to live life to the fullest, enjoying every moment, giving value to every little conversations with the people I meet and of course, in top of all, to love, and to feel love. Everything else makes sense to me now. It is clear to say…LIFE IS SIMPLY AMAZING. 

Dear Woman,

Sometimes…..

You just have to be too much woman.

Too smart.

Too beautiful.

Too strong.

Too much of something.

That makes a man feel like less of a man, which will start making you feel like you have to be less of a woman.

The biggest mistake you can make is removing jewels from your crown to make it easier for a man to carry.

When this happens, I need you to understand,

You do not need a smaller crown.

You need a man with bigger hands.

To catch you when you fall.

(c) Shera Lee Mortejo