Family

I never wanted to leave. Who else wanted to leave their family?

But for the sake of a good future, I chose to go in Iloilo and pay the price of board school.

I accepted long ago that I’ll be away from my family when I go to college. I react excitedly but nervously as I picked my chosen University. Well, I have to admit that it has been 5 years of struggle. Pieces by pieces I have been molded into something new.

I, am Almie. Currently on her way to 5th year BS in ChE is taking up her On-The-Job-Training at Global Business Power Corporation here in Iloilo City. I know from the start that it would be a little rough for not being able to hug my family. I really missed them.I wanna go home. But the thrill of working on the field of my course motivates me a lot to do a great job to make my parents proud. I really do not want to fail them. They have worked so hard just to send me to school. I want to graduate! To graduate on time! and pay the bills for my family to enjoy life a little, without working at all. I just pray that someday, I can become a blessing to them.

I myself know that I am not the perfect daughter. I do not have the best personality to be an eldest daughter. But even so, I missed our home. The home where I would love to make jokes with them, and laugh with them, to my mama and papa, I want you to know that I love you. I love you with all my heart. Even though I can’t tell you everything that is happening to me right now, I am proud of how you raised me as your daughter. I really missed the meals at home. I really missed just doing nothing and laundry and laziness of me during washing dishes. I pray so much to God every single day of my life to make you all happy and safe.

I have gone through many decisions.. failures and disappointments did not stop me to strive on for the goodness of my possible future. Even today that I really need you. I wanna go home and see you. But I just cant because of the distance we have. I am so envious with my classmates because they can go home whenever they want.I really am sorry for everything I missed-birthdays, anniversaries and your pizza nights without me, your Sunday’s best and even dinners. Even though I am too far away, please know that I really really am thinking of you all. With all my heart that is aching, I pray that I can see you again after this month, and you will be proud of me.

For all people in the world, only the family will listen to your drama and understand you and would never leave your side. Through it all, I am being strong enough ma, pa, mai, to hold on to God’s promises.

Thank you for eveything you have done for me, for trusting me and loving me with all you have got just to make me happy. I know this blog would just stay here. Because today, I have no one to talk to. Just this keyboard’s you bought for me ma. I have so much to tell you about ma, pa. I have so much to tell you. But you know me that I am not that kind of hearty heart talker.mehehe. And I cry my hearts out while writing this journal.

miss you all.

the wait is over.

I once remember the way you smile at me. When the sun was up shining and burst out its heated light upon me. I wonder what makes me so excited yet so nervous of that certain moment. I have found one thing that could never be compared with such intense glow– YOUR SMILE.

Every single day I have imagined of not getting up early in bed just to go home and be apart from you. What is on my mind is a hot choco with pancakes and extra sweet morning wake up call from you–YOUR KISSES.

So much of it that I ended up wondering how’s this life may go but what I know for sure is a bright future with you whom I have loved so much, whom I love dearly, whom I will love for eternity. As you surround me with your warm atmosphere and holding me close to you like you will never let me go, let me be inside–YOUR ARMS.

I have never felt so conscious like before. Have I got my lipstick already? Or have I brush my teeth or comb my hair yet? What else to wear? I cannot decide that easily because of your delicate looks that makes me uneasy-YOUR EYES.

Days come and years go, but this I know for sure… That you’re the one that I’ve been waiting for.

And I can finally say, the wait is over. 😘

To the sun I suppose to miss during summer

Dearest Star, I would like to express my sincere condolences to what I have to do. This would be a melodramatic narrative for which I know that in the first place, all I could do is to sit on my chair and do my routines. I hate to say that I will be missing you my darling. So much of confusion had come along my way since I first thought about you. The white sand beach, the warm breeze and the delight of having to experience something for free is really out of my reach. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You’re so tempting and that magic you have given me overwhelms my feelings as I try to imagine to embrace you from deep within me. I have always been fascinated about the sunny light above my head and that temperament that wraps around my back as I try to seek for cold refreshments. I seek of your love and of your effects that leave me breathless. I am writing this to you because I want you to know that I will always love your glow. I would always be admired how you shine up in the sky so bright that even Winter snow bows to you. I would always keep on loving you despite this situation I am having. The choice that I made because of something valuable that keeps me away from you. Now this fear is what I have to turn into strength. This strength that I will turn into a notion that dreams are made for people like me to hope and wait and see. To be better, and brave enough to accept defeat. To be able to withstand failure and whatever life might offer to me, I will always come victorious. Because I do believe on the Creator’s plan for my life. I just have to trust the maker of you as a star that someday, a  beautiful  meet up will due as I have that chance again to see you.

I will publish this soon as I build my dreams and make it to reality. I wanted to see you so much but please understand that this might be not the right time for me to be able to hold you, all I want you to remember is that… One day will come that I will be able to love you dearly. And sing with all my heart for the moment that I look forward. Lord, please help us.

To the sun that I missed during summer, I will always be waiting for the day to come that you and I can be together.

April 28, 2017

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36 G.Low.Seas

I’ve sailed day and night,

A never ending plight.

At the shore, in a fierce night,

Seen a dove, have I gotten it right?


By the bay, the shallow waters creep,

With mild symphony and the song I keep.

Rolling in the deep

Watching your shadows sleep.


The dark blue sky blankets thy stars,

Glowing much from a far.

Sincerity in every scar,

My soul explodes ’tis not par.


Drowing out of thy window,

Never knowing the rainbow,

It’s only white and a shadow.

36 bricks made of jealou.

In time

In time,

we would wonder why,

why things would happen out of our control.

 

In time,

we would be puzzled,

puzzled about how we handle our life.

 

In time,

we would be convinced,

convinced that life isn’t perfect.

 

In time,

we would become regretful,

regretful with the chances we didn’t take.

 

In time,

we would try to think,

think about the dreams we want to achieve.

 

In time,

we would realize,

realize that at the end of the day, we are left alone.

 

In time,

we would discover,

discover that we are free as birds fly above.

 

In time,

we would fight,

fight for the good fight of faith.

 

In time,

we would fly,

fly to the other side of the world to find ourselves.

 

In time,

we would ditch,

ditch our fears and doubts to face the unknown.

 

In time,

we would sacrifice,

sacrifice our life for someone to live.

 

In time,

we would make a choice,

make a choice between what you want or what is right.

 

In time,

we would forget,

forget about reality and truths.

 

In time,

we would struggle,

struggle to ride on the bumpy road of life.

 

In time,

we would forgive,

forgive ourselves from the mistakes we made.

 

In time,

we would wish,

wish that tomorrow will get better.

 

In time,

we would accept,

accept that life is what we make it.

 

In time,

we would do more,

do more than just exist.

 

Because in time,

we would love,

love to see the world much more differently.

 

Because in time,

we would smile,

smile despite the tears falling from our eyes.

 

Because in time,

we would hide,

hide the pain and make the world wonder why.

 

Because in time,

we would grow strong,

grow strong and never be afraid to go wrong.

 

Because in time,

we would feel,

feel the glimpse of heaven for real.

 

In time.

In time..

In time…

It’s Hard

It’s hard,

to check

to check whether you’re doing it right or not.

 

It’s hard,

to encourage

to encourage when you’re the one who needs it the most.

 

It’s hard,

to correct

to correct mistakes of yours than others.

 

It’s hard,

to pay

to pay attention when no one else’s listening.

 

It’s hard,

to react

to react in times in shock and dismay.

 

It’s hard,

to play

to play along the good side of story.

 

It’s hard,

to please

to please everyone about things.

 

It’s hard,

to talk

to talk things openly.

 

It’s hard,

to share

to share a life when you don’t know who cares about.

 

It’s hard,

to smile

to smile when the only thing left in your mind is to cry.

 

It’s hard,

to believe

to believe that something good might happen.

 

It’s hard,

to trust

to trust over and over and over and over and over again.

 

It’s hard,

to forgive

to forgive with open arms and ditch the disappointments.

 

It’s hard,

to forget

to forget all the feelings of sorrow and pain.

 

It’s hard,

to organize

to organize a life full of mess.

 

It’s hard,

to begin

to begin all over again.

 

It’s hard

to lie

to lie a smile when deep inside you’re bleeding.

 

It’s hard

to take

to take so much of other’s time.

 

It’s hard

to ask

to ask for love and importance.

 

It’s hard

to expect

to expect things that could lead to hurt.

 

It’s hard

to stumble

to stumble and fall because somebody has pushed you down.

 

It’s hard

to give

to give thanks when you’re at peak of being sorry.

 

It’s hard

to appreciate

to appreciate when everything around you is unworthy of seeing.

 

It’s hard

to spend

to spend time with yourself all alone in the dark.

 

It’s hard

to see

to see things differently from now and then.

 

It’s hard

to understand

to understand and understand and that’s the only thing that’s left.

 

It’s hard

to cry

to cry out loud on someone’s shoulders.

 

It’s hard

to listen

to listen the imperfectness of life.

 

It’s hard

to achieve

to achieve things that you can’t reach.

 

It’s hard

to create

to create happiness during those sad moments in time.

 

It’s hard

to wish

to wish for the things you can’t have.

 

It’s hard

to value

to value people when you have to let them go.

 

But….

 

 

It’s never been hard

to express

to express a love like this through this poem.

 

Ati-Atihan 2016

It was one of the most anticipated event  in the Philippines. The Ati-Atihan festival is celebrated from January 8 to 17, 2016 in honor of Senor Sto. Nino de Kalibo. My most awaited moment to enjoy it with friends. Super fun but motion sickness would drive me out of my mind. I could feel every bumps of the road and my stomach wanted to burst.  Luckily, I have survived the long hour travel from Miagao to Kalibo. Indeed, it was an achievement for me not to vomit. I usually do that whenever I have my land trips around Mindanao. One thing that motivates me to decide that I would join is that my will to capture right before my eyes the so called “Mother of all Festivals” here in our country. So much for that, I am thankful to my dear friend, Lindsay who sponsored our stay in Kalibo.  Thank you for the chance to witness the beautiful street dancing parade and to experience the “sad-sad” for the very first time. This feast is worth it.

 

First stop was attending a one heck of a blast night out party with people who wore white. I wore a checkered polo but seriously, I didn’t care about it. What matters the most was that I had a great time partying with my super awesome friends- Nikki, Kat, Lindsay, Toni, Dean, Erschad, Kent, Paul, Inteshar, Dave, and Shaira, . Super cool RAVE II at Ati-atihan Badminton Court Acebedo Farm, New Buswang Kalibo, Aklan. I almost lost my energy dancing all throughout the party. Well spent 250php. HAHAHA. But the party left me a question, why did it feel like I was just doing Zumba at all? HAHAHA Lower pa more.

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On the next day, morning of January 16, 2016, all of us were preparing for the spectacular event why we came for- “Street dances of Ati”Truly, it amazes me to have a closer encounter with the participants, I too did dance with them. Together with Erschad, Dean and Inteshar, we have decided to take pictures outside though we haven’t eaten our breakfast yet or taken a bath at all. haha! But it was worth it. We headed back to  Lola Lilian’s Residence then the rest of us were getting ready for sad-sad around Kalibo,Aklan! Hashtag:Excited much!

Looking back, I never thought I was doing all of that. Never knowing what to expect but to hug freedom and cherish time with good friends. I love the walk, the talk and the bond within us will which makes life so interesting.

Around noon, we’ve started to go walking around and ride a tricycle going to plaza Pastrana Park. We took a little way along the busy streets of Kalibo seeing various supplies and things to buy. The people were very busy selling their goods and sales. Its such a good time for business since it’s the season for rejoicing while celebrating the fiesta with its grandeur. So much for that, we headed to Gaisano and decided to roam around and buy something. I was really overwhelmed by Dave when he gave me a cute headband. We bought the same shirt design too yey! 🙂

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Too soon enough, we got soooo hungry and certainly made our way out to the streets heading to plaza Pastrana. As expected, a lot of people came to watch the festival and colorful costumes by the ati’s. Along with the beating drums, melodic lyres and widest smiles of the dancing troops, we belong to the crowd who were fascinated by its festive atmosphere despite the heat of the sun. It was an amazing moment for me to witness such celebration. And I know I am not alone.

Kind of real good timing to have some henna in our sun-kissed skin and so, Inteshar, Kent, and Shaira got their artistic tattoos. On the other hand, the rest of us got our face paints and head dresses. Almost 100% ready for the sad-sad photoshoots! As we released our energy for the coming of ati tribes, we ran out at the center road to join them dancing and make selfies to any costumed earthling we bumped into.

Realtalk: I was hungry that time yet I was overjoyed by the festivity of this town. Our group headed to Jollibee and as expected, it was a hell of a crowd. Kinda suffocating but still thankful to Dave who reserved seats and tables for us.

After being fueled up by chicken joy and spaghetti, my tank’s ready for another sad-sad. We met at the other side of the road where we stayed for a while to watch the crowd’s parade. We’ve seen, a lot of Family clan members, petron, fisheries, and organizations ramping all the way to plaza. The mob became so aggressive to catch some candies from above a building. It created traffic and it somehow annoyed me. Hahaha! But soon, the parade went smoothly.

It was a fiesta like no other. Maybe because I still haven’t tried to witness street dancing during festivals in our town. It’s my first time and I truly thank God for the chance.

We were planning to join the UP Akeanon and do we headed to mix and match. Along my walk, my slippers got broken because I almost slipped then I was on panic. LOL. But fortunately, I thank Dave for being my savior and for assuring my security to be not lost in the crowd.

 

Along our long way walk, we met super stars! Yeah! Super iron man, !, Super avengers and luckily, got picture with them. I got so excited but I do know that it was just fake abs. oh yeah. hahaha

 

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And then there we go, to UP Akeanon meeting place. We met our Chem Instructor and I also met my close friends there, Emman and Divine. I can sense unity from the Akeanon pips.

By mid afternoon, we drove out by tricycle and we went back to Lola Lilian’s home. I got tired, I got exhausted and I got body pains already but, it was all worth the energy. Thank you God. I really admired Kalibo for patronizing Sr. Sto. Nino so passionately and the people there actively participated the superb event.

I was trying to sit back and relax for a while and suddenly my liveliness went up when I had put my eyes to the television. Its because I love Marc Logan’s TV Show. It’s all jokes and humor and trending videos. Wooh! So much for that, our dinner plan took us to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo at Magdalena Village where we were welcomed by delicious food and also, sing-along with videoke. It was fun and memorable J I smile every time I remember each moment of our trip. Clingy batchmates, indeed.

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Around 10 pm, we headed to Magsaysay park through Lindsay’s dad who fetch us from Magdalena Village. As we stepped out of the car that night, we were welcomed by the flashing fireworks up in the sky creating wondrous sparks and thunder-like sounds. It lasted almost 15 minutes and I can still remember the joy I felt watching the blasting colors up in the blue.

We head back at the residence to rest for a while and planned for Paul’s pre-birthday celeb. Paul volunteered to treat us and enjoyed the rest of the night. I played card games with Kat, Kent, Dave, Shaira, Nikki, Erschad, and Lindsay. It was great and fun!

Before going to sleep, I talked with Dave about random things like this and that , with Nikki and Kat too! and decided to eat some wishing Oreos. A well-spent night of course.

The next morning, January 17, 2016, the day when we we’re about to leave. I woke up early because of Lola Lilian’s cooking, Hayyy,her morning breakfast really smelled so good. Thank you po. I took a shower and took a nap for a while. After that, Erschad, Kent, Dave and me played card games that same morning.

We packed up our things and went to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo once more to eat lunch. Their good family welcomed us and served us food on the table. It was a warm welcome indeed. We were on thinking about going to Caticlan but since classes will be resumed on Monday, we cancelled it right away and also, I only got 500php left on my pocket. lol. By the way, all of us wore Ati-Atihan shirts.

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(At the terminal while waiting for an air conditioned bus) Last minute thoughts before leaving Aklan: “Dapat makasakay mi ug bus kay klase na ugma” “Get ready for hunger games” “Attack kung attack” “Reserve seats” “Shit bahala na mabangga ug giants” “No pain, no seat” No guts, No Pungko” Goshhh. As I pondered all of these on my mind many times, Nikki suddenly put on a scene about Dave being a blind man to get some special treatment for us to ride on easily. Woh! I then realized I was laughing too much. Since I was being forceful enough to held back the exhaustion,  I felt quiet relaxed by the jokes. I so love you friends.I kept silent and waited for the moment when the bus arrived.I stayed strong for that one hell of a step up for me just to ride a bus. I was really scared that time. I told myself that I need to survive this kind of first come-first serve system here. It’s my first time diving in to a very critical position to be against the crowd. HAHAHA It was exciting actually. Thanks for the blind man who motivated me. HAHAHAHA  But, so much for that, I am thankful that all of us got our seats in the bus. Unexpectedly, our bus stopped for almost an hour because we almost got hit when a car over taken our way. Police and authorities got there and filed sanctions about that car. #buswreck

WOWOOOWOOOOHHH!!!! At last, the bus started its engine and rolled its tires going to Iloilo. Finally, we could go home.

Along our trip to Iloilo, my mom scolded me about my activities. I cried. Oh yes. I did. I can’t even smile during our travel from Iloilo to Miagao. My conscience could not take that much. Of course, I know very well that my mom just cared for me. I thank Dave for comforting me that time. Hopefully, someday, they can trust me with my under takings in life. But no regrets, I enjoyed the trip so much! Whose with me? I know you do. Hahaha!

The two day trip was all worth the long hour ride. I’ll miss everything. Not only Aklan but the people I got to know more during my stay in Aklan. Inteshar, Kat, Lindsay, Shaira, Nikki, Dean, Kent, Paul, Dave, Toni and Erschad, I am so thankful that I met you and be part of one of my first time’s in life. I really cherished the time together I had with you and hopefully more trips to come. The bond we’ve shared was priceless and as an expression of my appreciation, I wanna say, Thank you for inviting me. As a “sad-sad” newbie, Ati-atihan surprised me. hahahaha! Exploring a lot of places while learning their culture is really a nice way to enjoy life at its fullest. More blessings to come everyone!  🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ Ati-atihan 2016 “Mother of all Festivals” Viva Sr. Sto. Nino!

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photo by: (C) https://www.fest300.com/festivals/ati-atihan

-AlC2016

 

Maraming araw nang nagdaan

Mula nung ikaw ay aking unang namasdan

Sarili ko’y hindi maintindihan

Dahil ika’y di maalis sa aking isipan

 

Sa tuwina’y ninanais kang makita

Pag andyan ka nama’y nagtatago sa hiya

Ano nga ba ang aking nadarama?

Sa iyo ba ay nahuhulog na?

 

Ano nga bang mahika ang taglay mo?

Sa tuwing andyan ka’y natutulala sayo.

Di ko rin lubos maintindihan sarili ko,

Maipapaliwanang mo ba ang damdaming ito?

 

Sa unang pagkita natin ay di naman ganito

Di ko napansin ang taglay na ganda mo

Dahil siguro’y kaibigan ang pagtingin sayo

Ngunit ngayo’y bigla nalang nagkaganito

 

Di mawari ang nararapat na gawin

Makailang gabi kong pinag isipan rin

Sana’y may makapagpaliwanag sa akin

Ukol sa aking damdamin

 

Ninanais na ika’y parating nariyan

Pagkat lubos ang aking kaligayahan

Sa sobrang saya’y baka di ko mapigilan

Iyong mga pisngi ay aking halikan

 

Maipapahiwatig ko kaya ang lahat sa iyo?

Ano kaya ang magiging reaksyon mo?

Tatanggapin mo ba ang nadarama sa iyo?

O sa akin ay umiwas at lumayo?

 

-By Antukin076 12-2-15

21 Tries

 

I.

The dreams in the vast horizons,

Entwined to the road of infinity,

From its first blossom to metamorphosis

It’s grandeur and never ending bloom.

II.

“Ding-dong” calls the chances,

Letting it echo in my head.

Got some questions, got it covered.

What would I do to live it in joy?

III.

Is this the chaotic war in humanity?

To be confused and feeling like exploding,

With thoughts I’ve kept inside,

Therefore, this should stop.

IV.

Where would I stand?

Let the river flow?

or go against the current?

Let me distance with these decisions.

V.

The birds that fly along the mountains,

Any bird will do as long as it deviate my mind,

Blocking its view in my eyes,

But never the heart in distraction.

VI.

Living through the life I wanted,

Translating the voices in my head,

Connecting the dots along the choices I make,

To be puzzled by the thought of love.

VII.

Love? How can I say it best?

How can I defend myself from its terrible will?

Give me my fair trial…

I’m not yet ready to be imprisoned forever.

VIII.

There are bunch of things on my mind right now,

Proceeding to the negativity at its own way,

Following all the commutative laws of the norm,

Tell me my heart, what do I stand for?

IX.

Keep me away from the fire of love,

I might die from its burning desire.

Forgive me my dearest heart,

You are something I can’t endure.

X.

To whom can I rely?

Can you me why?

Writing my own thoughts,

To whom can I quote?

XI.

This truth at the back of my mind,

To which I cannot deny.

Am I falling for him all along?

Or was this just a created confusion?

XII.

I cannot define what’s inside my bottled feelings,

So afraid of what it could reveal.

Inside of me, no one holds the key,

But only Him alone knows where the door held.

XIII.

Tell me I’m insane and weak,

For simplicity sake, I still insist:

“I’m not in love! I’m not,I’m not”

As the shouts exploded, my heart cried.

XIV.

To love and to be loved in return,

Isn’t it wonderful dear Almie?

Says the crying heart

But how can I know if he is the One?

XV.

As far as I know,

My heart is in alarm,

Torn between the thought of falling,

Am I going to fall in love? or fall into pieces?

XVI.

Hundreds? Thousands? It might be Millions…

Millions of butterflies attacking my belly,

Feelings I cannot comprehend,

Because you were just a dream I once knew.

XVII.

Why am I like this nowadays?

Longed to hold someone’s arms.

I just can’t believe this is happening inside my system,

I never thought, I would be right for you.

XVIII.

Is there something that is much greater than love?

It’s a thing I cannot drive at my control.

My will is weakened by it’s powerful clash,

Can I just give in and let it flow me?

XIX.

Show me the road to light,

I cannot conquer its bright.

Blinded by the shine it brings,

Filled with magic coated with weirdness feelings.

XX.

I have doubted myself a hundred times,

In any ways, I find resolutions,

To fulfill my mind with hope,

To still have faith in love and the joy it brings…

XXI.

Remembering the happiness I felt whenever I’m with you,

From the first time you uttered my name,

I smile and wondered, my world became new,

How can I stop myself from falling in love with you?