the wait is over.

I once remember the way you smile at me. When the sun was up shining and burst out its heated light upon me. I wonder what makes me so excited yet so nervous of that certain moment. I have found one thing that could never be compared with such intense glow– YOUR SMILE.

Every single day I have imagined of not getting up early in bed just to go home and be apart from you. What is on my mind is a hot choco with pancakes and extra sweet morning wake up call from you–YOUR KISSES.

So much of it that I ended up wondering how’s this life may go but what I know for sure is a bright future with you whom I have loved so much, whom I love dearly, whom I will love for eternity. As you surround me with your warm atmosphere and holding me close to you like you will never let me go, let me be inside–YOUR ARMS.

I have never felt so conscious like before. Have I got my lipstick already? Or have I brush my teeth or comb my hair yet? What else to wear? I cannot decide that easily because of your delicate looks that makes me uneasy-YOUR EYES.

Days come and years go, but this I know for sure… That you’re the one that I’ve been waiting for.

And I can finally say, the wait is over. 😘

It’s Hard

It’s hard,

to check

to check whether you’re doing it right or not.

 

It’s hard,

to encourage

to encourage when you’re the one who needs it the most.

 

It’s hard,

to correct

to correct mistakes of yours than others.

 

It’s hard,

to pay

to pay attention when no one else’s listening.

 

It’s hard,

to react

to react in times in shock and dismay.

 

It’s hard,

to play

to play along the good side of story.

 

It’s hard,

to please

to please everyone about things.

 

It’s hard,

to talk

to talk things openly.

 

It’s hard,

to share

to share a life when you don’t know who cares about.

 

It’s hard,

to smile

to smile when the only thing left in your mind is to cry.

 

It’s hard,

to believe

to believe that something good might happen.

 

It’s hard,

to trust

to trust over and over and over and over and over again.

 

It’s hard,

to forgive

to forgive with open arms and ditch the disappointments.

 

It’s hard,

to forget

to forget all the feelings of sorrow and pain.

 

It’s hard,

to organize

to organize a life full of mess.

 

It’s hard,

to begin

to begin all over again.

 

It’s hard

to lie

to lie a smile when deep inside you’re bleeding.

 

It’s hard

to take

to take so much of other’s time.

 

It’s hard

to ask

to ask for love and importance.

 

It’s hard

to expect

to expect things that could lead to hurt.

 

It’s hard

to stumble

to stumble and fall because somebody has pushed you down.

 

It’s hard

to give

to give thanks when you’re at peak of being sorry.

 

It’s hard

to appreciate

to appreciate when everything around you is unworthy of seeing.

 

It’s hard

to spend

to spend time with yourself all alone in the dark.

 

It’s hard

to see

to see things differently from now and then.

 

It’s hard

to understand

to understand and understand and that’s the only thing that’s left.

 

It’s hard

to cry

to cry out loud on someone’s shoulders.

 

It’s hard

to listen

to listen the imperfectness of life.

 

It’s hard

to achieve

to achieve things that you can’t reach.

 

It’s hard

to create

to create happiness during those sad moments in time.

 

It’s hard

to wish

to wish for the things you can’t have.

 

It’s hard

to value

to value people when you have to let them go.

 

But….

 

 

It’s never been hard

to express

to express a love like this through this poem.

 

Ati-Atihan 2016

It was one of the most anticipated event  in the Philippines. The Ati-Atihan festival is celebrated from January 8 to 17, 2016 in honor of Senor Sto. Nino de Kalibo. My most awaited moment to enjoy it with friends. Super fun but motion sickness would drive me out of my mind. I could feel every bumps of the road and my stomach wanted to burst.  Luckily, I have survived the long hour travel from Miagao to Kalibo. Indeed, it was an achievement for me not to vomit. I usually do that whenever I have my land trips around Mindanao. One thing that motivates me to decide that I would join is that my will to capture right before my eyes the so called “Mother of all Festivals” here in our country. So much for that, I am thankful to my dear friend, Lindsay who sponsored our stay in Kalibo.  Thank you for the chance to witness the beautiful street dancing parade and to experience the “sad-sad” for the very first time. This feast is worth it.

 

First stop was attending a one heck of a blast night out party with people who wore white. I wore a checkered polo but seriously, I didn’t care about it. What matters the most was that I had a great time partying with my super awesome friends- Nikki, Kat, Lindsay, Toni, Dean, Erschad, Kent, Paul, Inteshar, Dave, and Shaira, . Super cool RAVE II at Ati-atihan Badminton Court Acebedo Farm, New Buswang Kalibo, Aklan. I almost lost my energy dancing all throughout the party. Well spent 250php. HAHAHA. But the party left me a question, why did it feel like I was just doing Zumba at all? HAHAHA Lower pa more.

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On the next day, morning of January 16, 2016, all of us were preparing for the spectacular event why we came for- “Street dances of Ati”Truly, it amazes me to have a closer encounter with the participants, I too did dance with them. Together with Erschad, Dean and Inteshar, we have decided to take pictures outside though we haven’t eaten our breakfast yet or taken a bath at all. haha! But it was worth it. We headed back to  Lola Lilian’s Residence then the rest of us were getting ready for sad-sad around Kalibo,Aklan! Hashtag:Excited much!

Looking back, I never thought I was doing all of that. Never knowing what to expect but to hug freedom and cherish time with good friends. I love the walk, the talk and the bond within us will which makes life so interesting.

Around noon, we’ve started to go walking around and ride a tricycle going to plaza Pastrana Park. We took a little way along the busy streets of Kalibo seeing various supplies and things to buy. The people were very busy selling their goods and sales. Its such a good time for business since it’s the season for rejoicing while celebrating the fiesta with its grandeur. So much for that, we headed to Gaisano and decided to roam around and buy something. I was really overwhelmed by Dave when he gave me a cute headband. We bought the same shirt design too yey! 🙂

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Too soon enough, we got soooo hungry and certainly made our way out to the streets heading to plaza Pastrana. As expected, a lot of people came to watch the festival and colorful costumes by the ati’s. Along with the beating drums, melodic lyres and widest smiles of the dancing troops, we belong to the crowd who were fascinated by its festive atmosphere despite the heat of the sun. It was an amazing moment for me to witness such celebration. And I know I am not alone.

Kind of real good timing to have some henna in our sun-kissed skin and so, Inteshar, Kent, and Shaira got their artistic tattoos. On the other hand, the rest of us got our face paints and head dresses. Almost 100% ready for the sad-sad photoshoots! As we released our energy for the coming of ati tribes, we ran out at the center road to join them dancing and make selfies to any costumed earthling we bumped into.

Realtalk: I was hungry that time yet I was overjoyed by the festivity of this town. Our group headed to Jollibee and as expected, it was a hell of a crowd. Kinda suffocating but still thankful to Dave who reserved seats and tables for us.

After being fueled up by chicken joy and spaghetti, my tank’s ready for another sad-sad. We met at the other side of the road where we stayed for a while to watch the crowd’s parade. We’ve seen, a lot of Family clan members, petron, fisheries, and organizations ramping all the way to plaza. The mob became so aggressive to catch some candies from above a building. It created traffic and it somehow annoyed me. Hahaha! But soon, the parade went smoothly.

It was a fiesta like no other. Maybe because I still haven’t tried to witness street dancing during festivals in our town. It’s my first time and I truly thank God for the chance.

We were planning to join the UP Akeanon and do we headed to mix and match. Along my walk, my slippers got broken because I almost slipped then I was on panic. LOL. But fortunately, I thank Dave for being my savior and for assuring my security to be not lost in the crowd.

 

Along our long way walk, we met super stars! Yeah! Super iron man, !, Super avengers and luckily, got picture with them. I got so excited but I do know that it was just fake abs. oh yeah. hahaha

 

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And then there we go, to UP Akeanon meeting place. We met our Chem Instructor and I also met my close friends there, Emman and Divine. I can sense unity from the Akeanon pips.

By mid afternoon, we drove out by tricycle and we went back to Lola Lilian’s home. I got tired, I got exhausted and I got body pains already but, it was all worth the energy. Thank you God. I really admired Kalibo for patronizing Sr. Sto. Nino so passionately and the people there actively participated the superb event.

I was trying to sit back and relax for a while and suddenly my liveliness went up when I had put my eyes to the television. Its because I love Marc Logan’s TV Show. It’s all jokes and humor and trending videos. Wooh! So much for that, our dinner plan took us to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo at Magdalena Village where we were welcomed by delicious food and also, sing-along with videoke. It was fun and memorable J I smile every time I remember each moment of our trip. Clingy batchmates, indeed.

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Around 10 pm, we headed to Magsaysay park through Lindsay’s dad who fetch us from Magdalena Village. As we stepped out of the car that night, we were welcomed by the flashing fireworks up in the sky creating wondrous sparks and thunder-like sounds. It lasted almost 15 minutes and I can still remember the joy I felt watching the blasting colors up in the blue.

We head back at the residence to rest for a while and planned for Paul’s pre-birthday celeb. Paul volunteered to treat us and enjoyed the rest of the night. I played card games with Kat, Kent, Dave, Shaira, Nikki, Erschad, and Lindsay. It was great and fun!

Before going to sleep, I talked with Dave about random things like this and that , with Nikki and Kat too! and decided to eat some wishing Oreos. A well-spent night of course.

The next morning, January 17, 2016, the day when we we’re about to leave. I woke up early because of Lola Lilian’s cooking, Hayyy,her morning breakfast really smelled so good. Thank you po. I took a shower and took a nap for a while. After that, Erschad, Kent, Dave and me played card games that same morning.

We packed up our things and went to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo once more to eat lunch. Their good family welcomed us and served us food on the table. It was a warm welcome indeed. We were on thinking about going to Caticlan but since classes will be resumed on Monday, we cancelled it right away and also, I only got 500php left on my pocket. lol. By the way, all of us wore Ati-Atihan shirts.

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(At the terminal while waiting for an air conditioned bus) Last minute thoughts before leaving Aklan: “Dapat makasakay mi ug bus kay klase na ugma” “Get ready for hunger games” “Attack kung attack” “Reserve seats” “Shit bahala na mabangga ug giants” “No pain, no seat” No guts, No Pungko” Goshhh. As I pondered all of these on my mind many times, Nikki suddenly put on a scene about Dave being a blind man to get some special treatment for us to ride on easily. Woh! I then realized I was laughing too much. Since I was being forceful enough to held back the exhaustion,  I felt quiet relaxed by the jokes. I so love you friends.I kept silent and waited for the moment when the bus arrived.I stayed strong for that one hell of a step up for me just to ride a bus. I was really scared that time. I told myself that I need to survive this kind of first come-first serve system here. It’s my first time diving in to a very critical position to be against the crowd. HAHAHA It was exciting actually. Thanks for the blind man who motivated me. HAHAHAHA  But, so much for that, I am thankful that all of us got our seats in the bus. Unexpectedly, our bus stopped for almost an hour because we almost got hit when a car over taken our way. Police and authorities got there and filed sanctions about that car. #buswreck

WOWOOOWOOOOHHH!!!! At last, the bus started its engine and rolled its tires going to Iloilo. Finally, we could go home.

Along our trip to Iloilo, my mom scolded me about my activities. I cried. Oh yes. I did. I can’t even smile during our travel from Iloilo to Miagao. My conscience could not take that much. Of course, I know very well that my mom just cared for me. I thank Dave for comforting me that time. Hopefully, someday, they can trust me with my under takings in life. But no regrets, I enjoyed the trip so much! Whose with me? I know you do. Hahaha!

The two day trip was all worth the long hour ride. I’ll miss everything. Not only Aklan but the people I got to know more during my stay in Aklan. Inteshar, Kat, Lindsay, Shaira, Nikki, Dean, Kent, Paul, Dave, Toni and Erschad, I am so thankful that I met you and be part of one of my first time’s in life. I really cherished the time together I had with you and hopefully more trips to come. The bond we’ve shared was priceless and as an expression of my appreciation, I wanna say, Thank you for inviting me. As a “sad-sad” newbie, Ati-atihan surprised me. hahahaha! Exploring a lot of places while learning their culture is really a nice way to enjoy life at its fullest. More blessings to come everyone!  🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ Ati-atihan 2016 “Mother of all Festivals” Viva Sr. Sto. Nino!

HERO_ATI-ATIHAN_Ree_Dexter_Engienero

photo by: (C) https://www.fest300.com/festivals/ati-atihan

-AlC2016

 

21 Tries

 

I.

The dreams in the vast horizons,

Entwined to the road of infinity,

From its first blossom to metamorphosis

It’s grandeur and never ending bloom.

II.

“Ding-dong” calls the chances,

Letting it echo in my head.

Got some questions, got it covered.

What would I do to live it in joy?

III.

Is this the chaotic war in humanity?

To be confused and feeling like exploding,

With thoughts I’ve kept inside,

Therefore, this should stop.

IV.

Where would I stand?

Let the river flow?

or go against the current?

Let me distance with these decisions.

V.

The birds that fly along the mountains,

Any bird will do as long as it deviate my mind,

Blocking its view in my eyes,

But never the heart in distraction.

VI.

Living through the life I wanted,

Translating the voices in my head,

Connecting the dots along the choices I make,

To be puzzled by the thought of love.

VII.

Love? How can I say it best?

How can I defend myself from its terrible will?

Give me my fair trial…

I’m not yet ready to be imprisoned forever.

VIII.

There are bunch of things on my mind right now,

Proceeding to the negativity at its own way,

Following all the commutative laws of the norm,

Tell me my heart, what do I stand for?

IX.

Keep me away from the fire of love,

I might die from its burning desire.

Forgive me my dearest heart,

You are something I can’t endure.

X.

To whom can I rely?

Can you me why?

Writing my own thoughts,

To whom can I quote?

XI.

This truth at the back of my mind,

To which I cannot deny.

Am I falling for him all along?

Or was this just a created confusion?

XII.

I cannot define what’s inside my bottled feelings,

So afraid of what it could reveal.

Inside of me, no one holds the key,

But only Him alone knows where the door held.

XIII.

Tell me I’m insane and weak,

For simplicity sake, I still insist:

“I’m not in love! I’m not,I’m not”

As the shouts exploded, my heart cried.

XIV.

To love and to be loved in return,

Isn’t it wonderful dear Almie?

Says the crying heart

But how can I know if he is the One?

XV.

As far as I know,

My heart is in alarm,

Torn between the thought of falling,

Am I going to fall in love? or fall into pieces?

XVI.

Hundreds? Thousands? It might be Millions…

Millions of butterflies attacking my belly,

Feelings I cannot comprehend,

Because you were just a dream I once knew.

XVII.

Why am I like this nowadays?

Longed to hold someone’s arms.

I just can’t believe this is happening inside my system,

I never thought, I would be right for you.

XVIII.

Is there something that is much greater than love?

It’s a thing I cannot drive at my control.

My will is weakened by it’s powerful clash,

Can I just give in and let it flow me?

XIX.

Show me the road to light,

I cannot conquer its bright.

Blinded by the shine it brings,

Filled with magic coated with weirdness feelings.

XX.

I have doubted myself a hundred times,

In any ways, I find resolutions,

To fulfill my mind with hope,

To still have faith in love and the joy it brings…

XXI.

Remembering the happiness I felt whenever I’m with you,

From the first time you uttered my name,

I smile and wondered, my world became new,

How can I stop myself from falling in love with you?

 

 

Letters to Words to Phrases to Sentences to Feelings

Every single letter

that makes up the matter,

Of this and that,

From where I sat.

Every single word

that comes with worth,

Such things to wonder,

Those files in folder.

Every single phrase

Accounts to any craze.

Oh! such hanging thoughts,

That were never told.

Every single sentence

Comes with the essence,

That could make the mind happy,

Or that could make the mind grumpy.

Every single feeling,

Keeping me falling,

How can I deny?

To whom can I rely?

Every single unsent letter,

Compose of words that enter,

Striking the heart from phrases to sentences,

Stuck to the feeling of hollowness.

11/7/15

-AlmieJ.

any other ordinary day to ponder

I sat down and thought something so deeply. I came to conclusion that what hurts you can destroy you. So what I have to do is to have a choice. Either to become miserable or simply… motivate myself.

I want to do better. Because I want to be a person of worth and value.

I want to strive more for my education. Because I want to know my purpose.

I want to be happier. Because of the promise of tomorrow.

I want to have a meaningful life. Because life is short to waste for nothing.

I want to soar high. Because I am destined to bloom.

I want to make my family and friends happy. Because I feel great seeing them with smiles.

I want to do my best for everything. Because putting my heart to it keeps me alive.

I want to try and try and never give up. Because surrendering makes no progress at all.

I want to trust my life to God. Because He is my Master.

I want to dedicate my life to Jesus Christ. Because I believe on the promises He made for me.

I want to live life to the fullest. Laugh, or Cry, make mistakes but learn. Set aside the pain and imagine a life of content and compassion. To be able to forgive, to trust again, while making the ride worthwhile. Of course, I want to reach my dreams, for God, for myself, and for my family.

Lastly, I want to fall in love.

To feel its magic reach through my heart, extends through my blood and bursts through my cells. How wonderful it is to love and to be loved in return. Everyone’s wishing for a Prince. And so am I.

But.. I don’t wish. Instead, I pray.

I fervently pray that someday he’ll come from a lightning bolt, sparks fly and flashes strike. It would be a dream come true. I know that God is currently preparing “him” for our meeting. I may not know who “he” is but I believe that “he” is exclusively created to love me forever. What a sweet dream it is. I want someone who will give me three roses that will NEVER ever die. Because for me, LOVE is God. If LOVE is God, He wanted to also show His love for us through the people we meet in life. That’s why I put value to every single person I have in my life because they keep me going. They are what I call “Priceless Blessings” – my Family, my Friends and to my dear unknown “Future Sweetheart to be”. Love is love. 🙂 I choose happiness- inspires me to wake up with determination and go to bed with satisfaction. It always depends on the person’s perspective. I pray that all of us (including you reading this), would have a positive outlook in life.

God loves us and I believe that through Jesus Christ we are saved. The Holy Spirit moved me to write what I’m feeling right now. It helped me to feel better already. (aweeee) Thanks God! 🙂

This is just any other ordinary day to ponder upon. And so, God bless everyone! Gonna study Analytic Chem. Good night!!!!! :)))

TR4CKS

TR4CKS

Track I: Moon River

….”Two drifters off to see the world there such a lot of world to see, we’re after the same rainbow’s end waiting around the bend, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me….”

Hmmm.. If two  hearts are meant to be friends, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, God will bring them together to share friendship forever.

By the time na naisulat ko ‘tong blog na ito, I am so moved by the Holy Spirit to just freely express my feelings.  Nais ko lamang na maipabatid ang nararamdaman ko sa paraang alam ko at ito ay ang pagsusulat. I find it amazing how God created us with a loving spirit so we can be better persons; not just gifted with a mind that understands but with a heart that truly cares.

I really want to talk on someone I miss. Too often, pinapadaan ko lang ang pangungulila. Kahit pa’y 18 na taong gulang na ako, may mga pagkakataon talaga na hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. I realize, time is so fast. At dahil sa bilis nito, may mga bagay na hindi ko na nahabol at maibabalik pa. Naitanong ko sa sarili ko, “What if sana I had that courage noon to invite a friend doing nothing more than endless talks and laughters?” “What if I was aware of that person’s important existence in my life?” Syempre, masasabi kong I had shortcomings as Almie, my dear self.

One day, I just woke up  feeling empty and lonely. Oh yes, I have everything falling into place.  Yet , I said to myself, “Ambilis ng panahon, I’m missing someone whom maaaring nalimutan kong iparamdam na mahalaga siya sa’kin. “ This kicked my heart.

Track II: You’re my Flashlight

Well, I prayed to God to find answers. Yes…

Life is hard but He provides.

Life is unpredictable but He guides.

Life is unfair but He cares.

Life is always a challenge but He watches over us.

I know God has His purpose why we meet people we never thought that would become important to us.

Relationships are worth restoring. “Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody”, Romans 12:18

Track III: Photograph

We miss someone because we are humans, we feel diverse emotions and simply because we love them. As I tend to unlock the mystery of it, I learned that it’s not the end of the world kahit pa na may mga pagkakataong nasayang. We will see each other again. That pinch of what we call “Hope”. To cherish every second with that person and value conversations ever since we meet them. And that what makes every person of your life special.

Reality in this world in terms of earthly relationships are so deep and as we are moved by it, it could become so powerful thus, we might lose ourselves. Since we are capable of loving, showing how to love is really a great challenge for me. Paano ba? But rather to keep on blowing your mind off, simply accept the fact of that reality in order to grow up. If love fails, I don’t have to die with it.

Blindfolded and walking alone, that’s what most of us feel. In a lifetime full of major risks and decisions, it might seem safer to remain stagnant. But isn’t it more fulfilling if despite the fear of falling off from a cliff and bruised knees, steps were taken? In the end, losing and mistakes won’t count . What matters most is the person we turned out to be. Not naïve, but wise and beautifully molded by experiences.

May mga tao talaga sa buhay ko na mahirap kalimutan. Taong, nakapagbigay ligaya at lungkot, taong patuloy na minamahal ka sa malayo. Taong inaalala ka sa tuwina. Di mo masabi kung kalian kayo magkikita pero ang siguradong sagot kung bakit namimiss natin itong taong ‘to ay dahil minsan ay nakapagpasaya sa ‘tin. All the pictures .. na puno ng masasayang alala, ngiting di maipagpapalit ng kahit anong bagay sa mundo. ‘Di magkamayaw na mga tawang ating pinagsaluhan at iyakan kung minsan, at walang katumbas na.. pagsasamahan, ito’y hindi malilimutan kailanman. Ahay

Track IV: At the beginning

We might forget the words from that person but surely, we won’t forget on how they make us feel when we’re with them. Beeping a friend through text or chat, it’s always a good way to treasure conversations and keeping in touch once in awhile no matter how far it may be.

Too often, a friend never knows how much you miss him or her until you contact. Never expected it, until you beep upon simply texting. The same as before, the friendship never ends.

Iniisip ko nga, paano kung bigla nalang akong tatahimik kasi wala na akong mai-topic pa? well, as for now, it doesn’t matter anymore. Each of us has a story to tell.

“Life comes with many colors and each color depends on one another. Match it well, viola -BLENDED!

Siguro nga, iniisip kong huli na ang lahat to make time with friends, but someone told me that there is a right time for everything and being late is not included. Timeless love of friendship J that’s what matters the most.

God, responsibilities, academics, family, friends, love and other stuffs could hinder someone to watch out which to prioritize the most. Juggling to balance it as part of the circle make it hard na to call on a friend to just sit down, have some coffee and a lil chat to share with. This pays a greatest challenge in our lives. But what makes it amazing is that both worlds go in contact with each other in one beep, at one moment, when thoughts become one.

As I’m asking myself where would I start, I think I might just say it so simple but absolutely meaningful–

I miss you.