Father-Daughter Sexual-Assault: “Tay, ‘wag po!”

“Violated all limits of humanity and showed no repentance over his offence, this is a TOAST.”

A teenage girl thought that she and her family were living a normal life. But then she discovered that she had been sexually abused ever since the age of 10. Twelve years on, she recalls that devastating day and the traumatic events that followed.

Family is the basic unit of the society. As a group of related people, it mainly works for the development of its children to let them grow as good citizens. Teaching them in life and how to cope up from mistakes is part of growing up within their progress.

As children went on to teenage life, parental guidance and a solid control over their teens is done which is to say that the father as the head of the family would govern the life of his 12-year old daughter in particular. Through their years inside their house, teaching them the essence of discipline and moral conduct is number 1 in the checklist of a Father.

However, child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occurs continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal.

Here enters what we call, dysfunctional families that are primarily a result of co-dependent adults, and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.), or sometimes an untreated mental illness. Rape cases such as father – daughter sexual assault is an example. He is forcing his daughter to do unnatural sex, by slapping, and other kinds of cruelty. Sexual assault includes coercion, physical threats, abuse of power/ authority or incapability of the person to give consent for instance he has mental disability, underage or unconscious.

A teen-sex-abuser father do not believe that what they do is wrong. They convince themselves that his daughter wants it to happen as much as they do; indeed, it is not uncommon for them to blame his daughter for leading them on. It is in this denial that the danger to other teens lies. If an abuser does not believe that what he does is harmful, he has no reason not to do it again.

Rape is not a new case to the Philippines. Ever since, there are a number of rape incidences happening over the country. One of these cases is the “father-daughter rape case” wherein the father forces his daughter to have sex with him through intimidation, authority or physical threat. Most of these victims are under the legal age. According to PNP Women and Children Protection Center, 75.5 % are child victims of rape from 1999 to present. The department of social welfare and development conducted a report on the prevalence of rape cases by age group. The report shows that ages 14-18 are the ones who are involved in this incident.

          Being the father of victim, it was his duty to protect her from any such assault but he himself violated all limits of humanity and committed rape upon her.

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Frat-Sor Violence

Enduring almost seven weeks of rigorous hazing–paddling, face-slapping, body-punching and worse–and he/she became a respected brother/sister for it.

Fraternities, sororities and other organizations has become a staple in the Philippines education system. Unfortunately, some practices present today in fraternities defeat the purpose of brotherhood and camaraderie. Frat-Sor related violence has become rampant and is subjected to hazing and inhumane acts.

Man as a social being, is definitely in need to belong in a family, group, tribe, club, organization or community. For some who seeks the allure and exclusivity, brotherhoods or sisterhoods, fraternities and sororities, street gangs, military units and secret societies are held for that special sense of belonging, kinship, and bonding- as for the promise that membership in this different kind of community of men and women will guarantee lifelong benefits, privileges, reassurances, and advantages in the long run. In return, one accepts the ethos of a brotherhood/sisterhood, following set of ideals, and commitment to a code of silence.

Young people who were interviewed observed that there were benefits to be earned by joining a fraternity/sorority: “For social purposes” (Shera Mortejo, UPV); “To have connections and affiliations”(Zsareena Zabala, UPV); “To boost self-esteem” (Sean Labastida, UPV); “For them to have people to rely on especially in times of troubles” (Arniel Lisondra, MSU-IIT);  “To have another family. To belong. To fit in. To be loved” (Lala Calle, UPV);  “To gain acceptance and feel some kind of belongingness. Some also join for quest and thirst for power” (Syrine Podadera, FEU); “Promised protection & security, social elevation” (Clyde Aguillon, UPLB); “To not feel alone.”(Dan Borongan, UPV); “Peer Pressure”(Aizel Divinagracia, USC); “They can’t find love with their family” (Davy Abella, USC); “Sense of “damayan”(Dua Uriarte, SU); “Personal preference- maybe their parents were fratmen”(Emman Aller, UPV); “They feel safe and settled that they have people who share similar beliefs and values”(Jessa Temelo, UPV) “To gain respect”( Kenneth Baay, SPUS); “Sponsorship and solid connection” (James Luchavez, UPV); “It is one way of being cool”(Gabriel Lerona, UPV); “For greater circle of friends and the benefits after college like easy job application”(May Ann Ybañez, UPV); “Academic support”,(Joeylyn Terania, UPV); “To be able to learn and use the learnings as an instrument to give service to fellowmen, having a family and fun activities” (Kulit 5th)

If there are pluses, there are also minuses. There are gray areas in which one shouldn’t forget. Often, the violence is meted out with measures of restraint. But one too many times it is dispensed with savage and unrestrained brutality, with pledges beaten to a pulp. And sometimes, in the name of fraternity, death occurs. The underlying fact is that the term called “hazing” can possibly account during any Fraternity or Sorority initiation rites. Basically, it has been a practice as a part of the initiation rites to be conducted. It’s a form of conditioning that, in theory, is said to teach pledges the meaning of authority and loyalty (by bullying them into submission), foster camaraderie among new recruits (by collectively subjecting them to pain and humiliation), and make them value the privilege of being accepted into the brotherhood (by making them work hard to get in).

Even though that these seem like noble intentions, the problem with hazing is that it can get too far. Sometimes, these traditions are left in the hands of late teens and early 20’s college students which is to say that they are unsupervised young adults that might be drunk and lack knowledge of how much physical and psychological torture the human body can tolerate. As a matter of fact, 82% of deaths from violent hazing involve alcohol.

Men and women are willing to suffer through the hazing rituals of physical and psychological abuse for that fraternity/sorority. Heavy doses of both can result to extreme degrees of physical violence and degrading insults. The so-called “Neophytes” are meant to humble pledges to their “Lord Masters”.

The consequences of psychological abuse are often hidden. But sometimes, after the hazing, beneath the seeming normalcy, there is a lifetime of psychological scars or wounds that never heal.

For physical abuse, the marks are visible, usually caused by the most common form of abuse in the tradition of hazing that is “paddling”- MUCH WORSE THAN IT SOUNDS, MUCH MORE THAN A PADDLE. The consequence is often inflicted with brutality, almost always, causing the part of the body to “ube”- the vernacular for the bloody bruising. In the name of  frat/sor, the ability to endure the brutality is considered a measure of bravery, resolve, and worthiness.

Taking the risk is not that easy to fall into. A lot is being said and written about the recent fraternity hazing incidents that killed a student and severely injured three others from the De La Salle University—College of St. Benilde, and critically wounded another from the University of the Philippines. Fingers are being pointed, legislative bills are being submitted, investigations are being conducted, and lawsuits are being filed.

Numerous incidents happened in the Philippines with Frat/Sor issues. But in that case, one should not put the blame mutually on all existing fraternities and sororities. As the government seeks to form a task force to ban frat/sor, many reasons compromises it because fraternities and sororities have a place in society. Besides, fraternities provide for various human needs — a surrogate family, a place for young men and women to forge friendships, bonding, and trust, a milieu of kindred spirits, a place to experience community. It is the hazing that is the unnecessary ritual, and the deaths from it so senseless.

Despite the deaths and known risks, some sororities and fraternities continue with their conspiratorial regimens of torture. Despite having been criminalized by Republic Act 8049 more than a decade ago, the deaths continue. Despite “zero-tolerance” edicts and sound bites, when hazing season comes around, schools and universities turn a blind eye, waiting for the next death—when it becomes the occasion for the usual public outcry, condemnation and condolence.

Studies First

As I start to realize that I have grown such strong attachment to someone than anybody else.

This time, I have driven all my emotions to an end so that I can ease the pain.

I held tears but I can’t.

I hid all the grudge but I can’t.

And it seems that I was the only one suffering to this type of teenage problem in which I never expected to have.

Somehow my childhood days were colorful, I wonder why I changed and became an “EMO” all the way of entering in my college years.

I have decided not to be drowned by tears while studying and so I have come up with an idea to stop something I have been doing for the past two years.

And that’s….

TO STOP LOVING A PERSON

whom you thought that will love you more than you do.

whom you thought that will bring out the best in you.

whom you thought that will never leave you no matter what.

whom you thought that will be holding your hands forever.

whom you thought that will never make you cry.

whom you thought that will make a thousands laughs for you.

whom you thought that will see to it that you’re okay.

whom you thought that will text you and call you every night.

whom you thought that will handle your feelings carefully.

whom you thought that will not take you for granted.

whom you thought that will be there for you when you have problems.

whom you thought that will help you out.

whom you thought that will strengthen you.

whom you thought that will keep his promises of “4ever”

whom you thought that will never leave…

BUT HE LEFT.

All this emotional expos of mine are just “pautwas”.

In the sense that I’ve tried my best for that particular person, but my best wasn’t good enough to make him stay in my life. Am I too cruel? too demanding? too OA? too ugly? too pretty? (oh, well)

Somewhat, I have come to the point where I felt hopelessness in life. From that moment, I realized that I made a mistake for giving myself wholeheartedly to a man who’s not worth my tears. Doing my best is maybe just a piece of shit for him.

What does it take to commit yourself to give time and effort for the one you love?

Is it that hard?

My heart was crushed by this person whom I thought is “THE ONE”.

Seems like I was wrong.

Even though I have been experiencing heartaches for the past 2 years since I met him, loved him, but I didn’t want to hold unto grudges towards him. I am a forgivable person and also, I don’t want to tear my heart apart by being mad always.

I may be single for now, but I know I am not alone with the presence of Jesus who is my Savior in my life. Moving on is easy if I will just have to trust on His words: “I am the way, the truth, and the life”, I believe that through Him and in Him, I will achieve “PEACE” in my heart.

In addition, I will just have to focus on what’s important in my life. Knowing my priorities is a must. I am a goal-oriented person who wants to be a Chemical Engineer someday. Of course, I always prayed and hoping to reach my dreams soon. I know I am one day closer to the answers just as the time flies.

I might lose my objectives if I will choose to be miserable all the time. Why not smile and let the world wonder why?

Right? 🙂

For now, I will trust for God’s perfect timing.

Love is not a fairy tale here on earth. I know my life is just temporary here on land but with JESUS CHRIST who lifted up my spirit, with my family who became my inspiration, with friends who supported me and with all the gifts/blessings of God that keeps me going, I am greatly motivated.

Studies first, my passion for studying will never end.

Let me end this article with this saying, “I may be bent but not broken, because if God brings you to it, He will brings you through it..”

God bless everyone. Love Love Love 🙂

-SoulWriter2k14

I Am Alive

All my life I’ve been so strong

I’ve been afraid to go wrong

In every life’s situation,

I find a way for solution

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been weak,

Realizing I was a freak.

In times of problems

I started to be solemn,

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been proud,

Shouting it so loud,

Never noticed how I boast,

I felt nothing but deep toast.

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been inlove,

To a girl and to the one Above,

It feels like forever

And endless together

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been walking,

But in spite of having nothing

I’ve strived to live life to the fullest,

My journey I believed is the best,

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been sorry,

I admit, my visions were blurry

I am not a perfect man as told

I commit mistakes so bold.

 

To feel that I am alive!

 

All my life I’ve been thankful,

For the blessings so wonderful..

To everyone who was there for me..

Who made me happy as can be,

 

To feel that I am alive!

Parang Kailan lang?

Sobrang tatag ng aking isipan ngayon sa mga maraming kapana-panabik na mga mangyayari sa taong ito. Noon, pawang isipan ko ay gulong-gulo sa mga eksenang masyadong madrama. Ngayon, mas pinapatatag ko ang anking kaloobang mag-sumikap nang makatapos sa pag-aaral. 

Hindi ko mawari kung anong kahihinatnan ng desisyon kong ito, basta’t ang alam ko lang ay ang aking pagtatagumpay ay magbubunga ng kasiyahan sa ‘king mga magulang na syang umagapay sa ‘kin para mag sumikap na igapang ako sa pag-aaral. Masasabi kong, malayo man ang aking pinagmulan, hindi rito nasusukat ang pag-asa sa’king puso na makapagtapos ng kolehiyo alang-alang sa mga taong naniniwala sa’king kakayahan. Higit kong inaalay ito sa Panginoong Diyos na syang nag bigay ng lakas sa’ken.

Hayyy. Next week na ang pasukan. Ewan ko lang kung ano ‘yung sasalubong sa kin, basta’t sa sarili ko, alam ko ang gusto ko. Papanindigan ko ‘to. Tatapusin ko ‘to. Kahit anong mangyari.

Marami narin akong narinig mula sa ibang estudyante na “UNDANG NA LANG KO”, OR “GIKAPOI NAKO”. Hindi ko kayang magbitaw ng mga ganitong salita sa buong buhay ko. Tanging sarili ko lamang ang makakatalo sa’kin kung magkaganon man sa oras na susuko na ako. Syempre, hinding-hindi ako susuko para sa ‘king mga pinapangarap. Sa buhay, pinapahalagahan ko ang meron ako ngayon… at pinapahalagahan ko rin ang mga ninanais ko sa hinaharap. ‘Di mawawala jan ang sariling bahay, lupa, swimming pool, negosyo, sasakyan, masaya at maginhawang pamumuhay. Naniniwala akong ang edukasyon ang solusyon sa kahirapan. Para na rin sa kinabukasan ng pamilya ko sa hinaharap, gusto ko silang makatikim ng masaganang buhay. Para sa’king mga magulang at kapatid, umaasa sila na ako’y makakapagtapos para makatulong na rin sa paghahanap buhay nang sa ganon ay ako ang magpapa-aral ng kapatid ko.

Malaking tulong ang pananalig sa Diyos at pagtitiwala sa sarili. Samut saring mga negatibo ang pinuno ko sa’king isipan noon nang ako’y naghihintay pa lamang ng resulta sa ‘king pag shift sa kursong gustong-gusto ko. Sabi ko noon nang nagfifill-up pa lang ako ng form before ako nagtake ng UPCAT, “ay, bahala sa Iloilo basta’t ang kursong gusto ko ang makukuha ko.” Kaya linagay kong first choice campus:UP VISAYAS, a.Chemical Engineering b. Accountancy. 

Kaya lang, ‘di ako pinalad na makapasok niisa samga pinili ko. Kahit nakapasa ako sa UPCAT, “DPWAS” naman ang resulta ng kurso ko o Degree Program With Available Slots. WEW. grave. Ang saya-saya ko talaga nun nung nalaman kong nakapasa ako. ‘Yun nga lang ang problema… 😦 is.. Kailangan ko pa palang mag susummer bridge sa Math nun kasi mababa ang kuha ko sa math. Kaya mas naging maaga ang pag punta ko sa Miagao, Iloilo. Ahay… hanggang natapos ang Summer Bridge Program sa Math, dun nalang ako sa dorm naghintay hanggang pasukan. Naghanap ako sa Registrar kung mayroon pa bang slot na available. Linagay naman nila ako sa BS in Fisheries. 

Naging okay lang naman ang 1st sem ko sa Fish, masaya naman at ‘dun ako sumuko sa pangarap kong maging isang Chemical Engineer. OH DIBA? *.*

Sa pagsisimula ng 2nd sem, parang may sumanib na spirito ng pag-asa sa’kin. Nang maging CS ako o College Scholar sa first sem, parang, may kung anong aura ang namuo sa ‘king damdamin na mag shift sa kursong gusto ko, at ito ang mga samut saring kadahilanan:

1. Ayokong tumanda na magsisi dahil hindi ko kinuha ang pagkakataong makapasok sa gusto kong kurso.

2. Ayokong ibalewala ang gusto ng sarili ko.

3. Gusto kong magtayo ng Winery sa Surigao.

4. Gusto kong maging isang Engineer.

5. Gusto kong magpa inspire sa kapwa kong kabataan na matutuong maghintay sa pinapangarap.

6. Gusto kong gawin ang mga gusto ko habang may panahon pa.

7. Gusto kong magpakatotoo sa sarili ko.

Ito, ang mga simpleng sagot kung bakit ako nag SHIFT. Alam kong, sa mga Fish Friends ko, sila’y nalulungkot, at naging happy for me dahil sa nakamit ko na sa wakas ang matagal kong pinapangarap. Hindi maipagpapalit ang tuwang nagmumula sa’king damdamin. Naway gabayan ako ng Diyos sa mga LONG EXAMS na aking susuungin. Alam ko sa sarili ko na sa bandang huli, ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ay mamumunga ng mabuti at kailangan lamang ng tyaga sa bawat panahong igugugol ko sa pag-aaral. 

MABUHAY ANG MGA ISKOLAR NG BAYAN. 🙂

The Journey of My Life

Palapit na nang palapit na matapos ang bakasyon ko. AGOSTO 6, 2014, maglalayag na naman kami ni Sean, para sa panibagong pagharap sa buhay. Isang panibagong hakbang para sa ‘king kinabukasan. Naway gabayan ako ng Panginoon para mapanindigan ko ‘tong pinili kong daan sa pagtahak ng aking mga pangarap. Chemical Engineering…. mapag-aaralan na rin kita sa wakas. Help me Lord, to continue my journey with strength and faith to believe in myself in times of difficulties. I’d rather be lost without You. To my family here in Surigao City, thankyou for the love and happiness we’ve shared. Woh! UP Visayas, here I come.