Family

I never wanted to leave. Who else wanted to leave their family?

But for the sake of a good future, I chose to go in Iloilo and pay the price of board school.

I accepted long ago that I’ll be away from my family when I go to college. I react excitedly but nervously as I picked my chosen University. Well, I have to admit that it has been 5 years of struggle. Pieces by pieces I have been molded into something new.

I, am Almie. Currently on her way to 5th year BS in ChE is taking up her On-The-Job-Training at Global Business Power Corporation here in Iloilo City. I know from the start that it would be a little rough for not being able to hug my family. I really missed them.I wanna go home. But the thrill of working on the field of my course motivates me a lot to do a great job to make my parents proud. I really do not want to fail them. They have worked so hard just to send me to school. I want to graduate! To graduate on time! and pay the bills for my family to enjoy life a little, without working at all. I just pray that someday, I can become a blessing to them.

I myself know that I am not the perfect daughter. I do not have the best personality to be an eldest daughter. But even so, I missed our home. The home where I would love to make jokes with them, and laugh with them, to my mama and papa, I want you to know that I love you. I love you with all my heart. Even though I can’t tell you everything that is happening to me right now, I am proud of how you raised me as your daughter. I really missed the meals at home. I really missed just doing nothing and laundry and laziness of me during washing dishes. I pray so much to God every single day of my life to make you all happy and safe.

I have gone through many decisions.. failures and disappointments did not stop me to strive on for the goodness of my possible future. Even today that I really need you. I wanna go home and see you. But I just cant because of the distance we have. I am so envious with my classmates because they can go home whenever they want.I really am sorry for everything I missed-birthdays, anniversaries and your pizza nights without me, your Sunday’s best and even dinners. Even though I am too far away, please know that I really really am thinking of you all. With all my heart that is aching, I pray that I can see you again after this month, and you will be proud of me.

For all people in the world, only the family will listen to your drama and understand you and would never leave your side. Through it all, I am being strong enough ma, pa, mai, to hold on to God’s promises.

Thank you for eveything you have done for me, for trusting me and loving me with all you have got just to make me happy. I know this blog would just stay here. Because today, I have no one to talk to. Just this keyboard’s you bought for me ma. I have so much to tell you about ma, pa. I have so much to tell you. But you know me that I am not that kind of hearty heart talker.mehehe. And I cry my hearts out while writing this journal.

miss you all.

Ati-Atihan 2016

It was one of the most anticipated event  in the Philippines. The Ati-Atihan festival is celebrated from January 8 to 17, 2016 in honor of Senor Sto. Nino de Kalibo. My most awaited moment to enjoy it with friends. Super fun but motion sickness would drive me out of my mind. I could feel every bumps of the road and my stomach wanted to burst.  Luckily, I have survived the long hour travel from Miagao to Kalibo. Indeed, it was an achievement for me not to vomit. I usually do that whenever I have my land trips around Mindanao. One thing that motivates me to decide that I would join is that my will to capture right before my eyes the so called “Mother of all Festivals” here in our country. So much for that, I am thankful to my dear friend, Lindsay who sponsored our stay in Kalibo.  Thank you for the chance to witness the beautiful street dancing parade and to experience the “sad-sad” for the very first time. This feast is worth it.

 

First stop was attending a one heck of a blast night out party with people who wore white. I wore a checkered polo but seriously, I didn’t care about it. What matters the most was that I had a great time partying with my super awesome friends- Nikki, Kat, Lindsay, Toni, Dean, Erschad, Kent, Paul, Inteshar, Dave, and Shaira, . Super cool RAVE II at Ati-atihan Badminton Court Acebedo Farm, New Buswang Kalibo, Aklan. I almost lost my energy dancing all throughout the party. Well spent 250php. HAHAHA. But the party left me a question, why did it feel like I was just doing Zumba at all? HAHAHA Lower pa more.

On the next day, morning of January 16, 2016, all of us were preparing for the spectacular event why we came for- “Street dances of Ati”Truly, it amazes me to have a closer encounter with the participants, I too did dance with them. Together with Erschad, Dean and Inteshar, we have decided to take pictures outside though we haven’t eaten our breakfast yet or taken a bath at all. haha! But it was worth it. We headed back to  Lola Lilian’s Residence then the rest of us were getting ready for sad-sad around Kalibo,Aklan! Hashtag:Excited much!

Looking back, I never thought I was doing all of that. Never knowing what to expect but to hug freedom and cherish time with good friends. I love the walk, the talk and the bond within us will which makes life so interesting.

Around noon, we’ve started to go walking around and ride a tricycle going to plaza Pastrana Park. We took a little way along the busy streets of Kalibo seeing various supplies and things to buy. The people were very busy selling their goods and sales. Its such a good time for business since it’s the season for rejoicing while celebrating the fiesta with its grandeur. So much for that, we headed to Gaisano and decided to roam around and buy something. I was really overwhelmed by Dave when he gave me a cute headband. We bought the same shirt design too yey! 🙂

 

Too soon enough, we got soooo hungry and certainly made our way out to the streets heading to plaza Pastrana. As expected, a lot of people came to watch the festival and colorful costumes by the ati’s. Along with the beating drums, melodic lyres and widest smiles of the dancing troops, we belong to the crowd who were fascinated by its festive atmosphere despite the heat of the sun. It was an amazing moment for me to witness such celebration. And I know I am not alone.

Kind of real good timing to have some henna in our sun-kissed skin and so, Inteshar, Kent, and Shaira got their artistic tattoos. On the other hand, the rest of us got our face paints and head dresses. Almost 100% ready for the sad-sad photoshoots! As we released our energy for the coming of ati tribes, we ran out at the center road to join them dancing and make selfies to any costumed earthling we bumped into.

Realtalk: I was hungry that time yet I was overjoyed by the festivity of this town. Our group headed to Jollibee and as expected, it was a hell of a crowd. Kinda suffocating but still thankful to Dave who reserved seats and tables for us.

After being fueled up by chicken joy and spaghetti, my tank’s ready for another sad-sad. We met at the other side of the road where we stayed for a while to watch the crowd’s parade. We’ve seen, a lot of Family clan members, petron, fisheries, and organizations ramping all the way to plaza. The mob became so aggressive to catch some candies from above a building. It created traffic and it somehow annoyed me. Hahaha! But soon, the parade went smoothly.

It was a fiesta like no other. Maybe because I still haven’t tried to witness street dancing during festivals in our town. It’s my first time and I truly thank God for the chance.

We were planning to join the UP Akeanon and do we headed to mix and match. Along my walk, my slippers got broken because I almost slipped then I was on panic. LOL. But fortunately, I thank Dave for being my savior and for assuring my security to be not lost in the crowd.

 

Along our long way walk, we met super stars! Yeah! Super iron man, !, Super avengers and luckily, got picture with them. I got so excited but I do know that it was just fake abs. oh yeah. hahaha

 

And then there we go, to UP Akeanon meeting place. We met our Chem Instructor and I also met my close friends there, Emman and Divine. I can sense unity from the Akeanon pips.

By mid afternoon, we drove out by tricycle and we went back to Lola Lilian’s home. I got tired, I got exhausted and I got body pains already but, it was all worth the energy. Thank you God. I really admired Kalibo for patronizing Sr. Sto. Nino so passionately and the people there actively participated the superb event.

I was trying to sit back and relax for a while and suddenly my liveliness went up when I had put my eyes to the television. Its because I love Marc Logan’s TV Show. It’s all jokes and humor and trending videos. Wooh! So much for that, our dinner plan took us to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo at Magdalena Village where we were welcomed by delicious food and also, sing-along with videoke. It was fun and memorable J I smile every time I remember each moment of our trip. Clingy batchmates, indeed.

Around 10 pm, we headed to Magsaysay park through Lindsay’s dad who fetch us from Magdalena Village. As we stepped out of the car that night, we were welcomed by the flashing fireworks up in the sky creating wondrous sparks and thunder-like sounds. It lasted almost 15 minutes and I can still remember the joy I felt watching the blasting colors up in the blue.

We head back at the residence to rest for a while and planned for Paul’s pre-birthday celeb. Paul volunteered to treat us and enjoyed the rest of the night. I played card games with Kat, Kent, Dave, Shaira, Nikki, Erschad, and Lindsay. It was great and fun!

Before going to sleep, I talked with Dave about random things like this and that , with Nikki and Kat too! and decided to eat some wishing Oreos. A well-spent night of course.

The next morning, January 17, 2016, the day when we we’re about to leave. I woke up early because of Lola Lilian’s cooking, Hayyy,her morning breakfast really smelled so good. Thank you po. I took a shower and took a nap for a while. After that, Erschad, Kent, Dave and me played card games that same morning.

We packed up our things and went to Lindsay’s tito lolo Arturo once more to eat lunch. Their good family welcomed us and served us food on the table. It was a warm welcome indeed. We were on thinking about going to Caticlan but since classes will be resumed on Monday, we cancelled it right away and also, I only got 500php left on my pocket. lol. By the way, all of us wore Ati-Atihan shirts.

(At the terminal while waiting for an air conditioned bus) Last minute thoughts before leaving Aklan: “Dapat makasakay mi ug bus kay klase na ugma” “Get ready for hunger games” “Attack kung attack” “Reserve seats” “Shit bahala na mabangga ug giants” “No pain, no seat” No guts, No Pungko” Goshhh. As I pondered all of these on my mind many times, Nikki suddenly put on a scene about Dave being a blind man to get some special treatment for us to ride on easily. Woh! I then realized I was laughing too much. Since I was being forceful enough to held back the exhaustion,  I felt quiet relaxed by the jokes. I so love you friends.I kept silent and waited for the moment when the bus arrived.I stayed strong for that one hell of a step up for me just to ride a bus. I was really scared that time. I told myself that I need to survive this kind of first come-first serve system here. It’s my first time diving in to a very critical position to be against the crowd. HAHAHA It was exciting actually. Thanks for the blind man who motivated me. HAHAHAHA  But, so much for that, I am thankful that all of us got our seats in the bus. Unexpectedly, our bus stopped for almost an hour because we almost got hit when a car over taken our way. Police and authorities got there and filed sanctions about that car. #buswreck

WOWOOOWOOOOHHH!!!! At last, the bus started its engine and rolled its tires going to Iloilo. Finally, we could go home.

Along our trip to Iloilo, my mom scolded me about my activities. I cried. Oh yes. I did. I can’t even smile during our travel from Iloilo to Miagao. My conscience could not take that much. Of course, I know very well that my mom just cared for me. I thank Dave for comforting me that time. Hopefully, someday, they can trust me with my under takings in life. But no regrets, I enjoyed the trip so much! Whose with me? I know you do. Hahaha!

The two day trip was all worth the long hour ride. I’ll miss everything. Not only Aklan but the people I got to know more during my stay in Aklan. Inteshar, Kat, Lindsay, Shaira, Nikki, Dean, Kent, Paul, Dave, Toni and Erschad, I am so thankful that I met you and be part of one of my first time’s in life. I really cherished the time together I had with you and hopefully more trips to come. The bond we’ve shared was priceless and as an expression of my appreciation, I wanna say, Thank you for inviting me. As a “sad-sad” newbie, Ati-atihan surprised me. hahahaha! Exploring a lot of places while learning their culture is really a nice way to enjoy life at its fullest. More blessings to come everyone!  🙂 ❤ ❤ ❤ Ati-atihan 2016 “Mother of all Festivals” Viva Sr. Sto. Nino!

photo by: (C) https://www.fest300.com/festivals/ati-atihan

-AlC2016

 

Are all of these things make sense?

We are living on a planet called earth. Each of us has their own stories to tell. My story is about my plans for life. Digging up from its most inner core, I admit that I’ve been so persistent to be the best version I can become. The way I see things, I want to do it in a way that I could attain the dream achievement of my life.

So I asked myself, “Are all of these things make sense?” At first, I doubted myself if I can really pursue what I wanted in life. I was trying to create different conclusions asking myself about my future plans. At the end of the day, we all lay down in bed  and say ” Life ” is what we make it.

I did face dramas, all the craps, failures , frustrations, criticisms, and other bullshits in life that made me realize that “SHIT HAPPENS” indeed. In fact, I am used to it by now. In my almost 19 years of existence, I realized that life is on how we really deal with it.

I keep on reminding myself that everything is according to God’s perfect plan for my life. Even though problems come along and obstacles pave its way to me, I will never be afraid to conquer it all because I trust God. I have all the issues in my life that could slow down my life’s progress but, how could I deny the fact that God is with me? That I just have to trust on Him and rely to whatever circumstances I might encounter, knowing He is with me. I am thankful for this life He give to me.

Even though, it is not perfect, I still choose to follow Him. He knows the way and the truth in my life. Challenges in school makes me wanna scream and give it up. But the promise of good future of Christ motivates me a lot.

Perseverance is essential in order for us to attain good results. But before anything else, I still make it to accept the fact that life on earth is a temporary journey that will come to pass. What matters most is our relationship with the One above who made us feel the happiness, the love, and the sorrows here on earth. Living is easy. In the past, myself used to struggle on things I thought that really matters the most.

As I went along my quest, I found out that this is not my final destination yet. Towards good goals in life, determination is a must. The heart needs to be heard, and our desires in life need attention. Equipped with perseverance and hard work are just recipes to reach our dreams.

The things I’ve lost in the daily battles of my life do not matter anymore. Because, I only gain in life. According to Job 1:21, “21 He said, “I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!”. Now, I come to my senses and concluded that this is the truth. The medals, awards, money, properties, and jewelries, I cannot bring all of these when I die. That’s why, material or worldly things don’t matter. What matters most is on how we turned out to be. Being molded by God’s grace and His will for our life brings us to wherever we are today.

Every decision I make, I always make it to the point that I let God know about it. I asked God if this is the right thing to say or to do. I always wanted to make God as daily part of my life. I may not know what the future beholds, but all I ever believe are the promises of Christ. According to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans not to harm you but to prosper you, to provide you a future and a hope.” I hold on to the words He left for me. I should not worry about what tomorrow comes for tomorrow will worry about itself. So let him have your worries and cares for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.(Peter 5:7).

In everything I wanted to do, I want to be happy. But being happy for myself is not the only thing I need. My greatest achievement in life is to make my parents happy. Oh, seeing their smiles and their laughter soothes my heart. And the most important thing of all, is to please God glorifying His name in every single day of my life. I love God, and I am not ashamed to tell the world how I feel. I’m trying to live life to the fullest, enjoying every moment, giving value to every little conversations with the people I meet and of course, in top of all, to love, and to feel love. Everything else makes sense to me now. It is clear to say…LIFE IS SIMPLY AMAZING. 

any other ordinary day to ponder

I sat down and thought something so deeply. I came to conclusion that what hurts you can destroy you. So what I have to do is to have a choice. Either to become miserable or simply… motivate myself.

I want to do better. Because I want to be a person of worth and value.

I want to strive more for my education. Because I want to know my purpose.

I want to be happier. Because of the promise of tomorrow.

I want to have a meaningful life. Because life is short to waste for nothing.

I want to soar high. Because I am destined to bloom.

I want to make my family and friends happy. Because I feel great seeing them with smiles.

I want to do my best for everything. Because putting my heart to it keeps me alive.

I want to try and try and never give up. Because surrendering makes no progress at all.

I want to trust my life to God. Because He is my Master.

I want to dedicate my life to Jesus Christ. Because I believe on the promises He made for me.

I want to live life to the fullest. Laugh, or Cry, make mistakes but learn. Set aside the pain and imagine a life of content and compassion. To be able to forgive, to trust again, while making the ride worthwhile. Of course, I want to reach my dreams, for God, for myself, and for my family.

Lastly, I want to fall in love.

To feel its magic reach through my heart, extends through my blood and bursts through my cells. How wonderful it is to love and to be loved in return. Everyone’s wishing for a Prince. And so am I.

But.. I don’t wish. Instead, I pray.

I fervently pray that someday he’ll come from a lightning bolt, sparks fly and flashes strike. It would be a dream come true. I know that God is currently preparing “him” for our meeting. I may not know who “he” is but I believe that “he” is exclusively created to love me forever. What a sweet dream it is. I want someone who will give me three roses that will NEVER ever die. Because for me, LOVE is God. If LOVE is God, He wanted to also show His love for us through the people we meet in life. That’s why I put value to every single person I have in my life because they keep me going. They are what I call “Priceless Blessings” – my Family, my Friends and to my dear unknown “Future Sweetheart to be”. Love is love. 🙂 I choose happiness- inspires me to wake up with determination and go to bed with satisfaction. It always depends on the person’s perspective. I pray that all of us (including you reading this), would have a positive outlook in life.

God loves us and I believe that through Jesus Christ we are saved. The Holy Spirit moved me to write what I’m feeling right now. It helped me to feel better already. (aweeee) Thanks God! 🙂

This is just any other ordinary day to ponder upon. And so, God bless everyone! Gonna study Analytic Chem. Good night!!!!! :)))

TR4CKS

TR4CKS

Track I: Moon River

….”Two drifters off to see the world there such a lot of world to see, we’re after the same rainbow’s end waiting around the bend, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me….”

Hmmm.. If two  hearts are meant to be friends, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, God will bring them together to share friendship forever.

By the time na naisulat ko ‘tong blog na ito, I am so moved by the Holy Spirit to just freely express my feelings.  Nais ko lamang na maipabatid ang nararamdaman ko sa paraang alam ko at ito ay ang pagsusulat. I find it amazing how God created us with a loving spirit so we can be better persons; not just gifted with a mind that understands but with a heart that truly cares.

I really want to talk on someone I miss. Too often, pinapadaan ko lang ang pangungulila. Kahit pa’y 18 na taong gulang na ako, may mga pagkakataon talaga na hindi ko maiwasang malungkot. I realize, time is so fast. At dahil sa bilis nito, may mga bagay na hindi ko na nahabol at maibabalik pa. Naitanong ko sa sarili ko, “What if sana I had that courage noon to invite a friend doing nothing more than endless talks and laughters?” “What if I was aware of that person’s important existence in my life?” Syempre, masasabi kong I had shortcomings as Almie, my dear self.

One day, I just woke up  feeling empty and lonely. Oh yes, I have everything falling into place.  Yet , I said to myself, “Ambilis ng panahon, I’m missing someone whom maaaring nalimutan kong iparamdam na mahalaga siya sa’kin. “ This kicked my heart.

Track II: You’re my Flashlight

Well, I prayed to God to find answers. Yes…

Life is hard but He provides.

Life is unpredictable but He guides.

Life is unfair but He cares.

Life is always a challenge but He watches over us.

I know God has His purpose why we meet people we never thought that would become important to us.

Relationships are worth restoring. “Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody”, Romans 12:18

Track III: Photograph

We miss someone because we are humans, we feel diverse emotions and simply because we love them. As I tend to unlock the mystery of it, I learned that it’s not the end of the world kahit pa na may mga pagkakataong nasayang. We will see each other again. That pinch of what we call “Hope”. To cherish every second with that person and value conversations ever since we meet them. And that what makes every person of your life special.

Reality in this world in terms of earthly relationships are so deep and as we are moved by it, it could become so powerful thus, we might lose ourselves. Since we are capable of loving, showing how to love is really a great challenge for me. Paano ba? But rather to keep on blowing your mind off, simply accept the fact of that reality in order to grow up. If love fails, I don’t have to die with it.

Blindfolded and walking alone, that’s what most of us feel. In a lifetime full of major risks and decisions, it might seem safer to remain stagnant. But isn’t it more fulfilling if despite the fear of falling off from a cliff and bruised knees, steps were taken? In the end, losing and mistakes won’t count . What matters most is the person we turned out to be. Not naïve, but wise and beautifully molded by experiences.

May mga tao talaga sa buhay ko na mahirap kalimutan. Taong, nakapagbigay ligaya at lungkot, taong patuloy na minamahal ka sa malayo. Taong inaalala ka sa tuwina. Di mo masabi kung kalian kayo magkikita pero ang siguradong sagot kung bakit namimiss natin itong taong ‘to ay dahil minsan ay nakapagpasaya sa ‘tin. All the pictures .. na puno ng masasayang alala, ngiting di maipagpapalit ng kahit anong bagay sa mundo. ‘Di magkamayaw na mga tawang ating pinagsaluhan at iyakan kung minsan, at walang katumbas na.. pagsasamahan, ito’y hindi malilimutan kailanman. Ahay

Track IV: At the beginning

We might forget the words from that person but surely, we won’t forget on how they make us feel when we’re with them. Beeping a friend through text or chat, it’s always a good way to treasure conversations and keeping in touch once in awhile no matter how far it may be.

Too often, a friend never knows how much you miss him or her until you contact. Never expected it, until you beep upon simply texting. The same as before, the friendship never ends.

Iniisip ko nga, paano kung bigla nalang akong tatahimik kasi wala na akong mai-topic pa? well, as for now, it doesn’t matter anymore. Each of us has a story to tell.

“Life comes with many colors and each color depends on one another. Match it well, viola -BLENDED!

Siguro nga, iniisip kong huli na ang lahat to make time with friends, but someone told me that there is a right time for everything and being late is not included. Timeless love of friendship J that’s what matters the most.

God, responsibilities, academics, family, friends, love and other stuffs could hinder someone to watch out which to prioritize the most. Juggling to balance it as part of the circle make it hard na to call on a friend to just sit down, have some coffee and a lil chat to share with. This pays a greatest challenge in our lives. But what makes it amazing is that both worlds go in contact with each other in one beep, at one moment, when thoughts become one.

As I’m asking myself where would I start, I think I might just say it so simple but absolutely meaningful–

I miss you.

Heartbreak

‘Pag naiisip ko siya, nalulungkot ako. I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart. Dahil sa pinagkatiwalaan ko siya ng lubos at iniwan niya lang ako sa huli. Hindi ko inakalang darating din ‘yung point na magiging ganito.

‘Yung sakit na nakakamatay. Aray. Ouch. Parang sinaksak ang dibdib ko ng milyong beses. Wow. Inasa ko sa kanya ang kaligayahan ko, ginawa ko ang lahat ng makakaya ko para mapasaya ko lang siya, pero wala eh. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

Seryoso na ako sa pag-ibig ko, eh siya ba, minahal niya ba talaga ako? Feeling ko, ang puso ko’y napaglaruan lamang. Mahina akong tao, pero nagpapakatatag ako para sa sarili, pamilya at para kay God. The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve.

Deserve ko ba talaga ang ganitong kapalaran? It feels like, no matter how good of a woman I am, I will never be good enough to a man who isn’t ‘Ready’. Parang gusto ko nalang umiyak ng balde-baldeng luha. Kasi.. masakit.. masakit ‘yung maipagpalit ka lang sa iba. Masakit ‘yung minamahal mo siya kahit sinasaktan ka niya. Masakit kasi, may iba na siya dahil sa distansya niyong milya-milya. Sukatan ba talaga ang distansya sa pagmamahal? It feels like I’m losing myself trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t care about losing me.

Nakakatawang isipin na for two years, nasa kanya ang sentro ng mundo ko. Ang mahahabang reply, at mga gabi-gabing puyatan ay nasayang lang pala. “You were never supposed to mean this much to me; I was never supposed to fall so hard. But you know what? I did and that’s the truth, that’s what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go.” Naging motto ko ‘to DATI. Pero ngayon. Nagpapakamanhid ako sa nasapit kong ito. Mabigat sa loob syempre na ipagpalit ka sa ibang babae nang hindi mo alam. “Maybe one day, I’ll be what you need. But don’t wait too long… Because the day you want me, may be the day I’ve finally given up..”

Akala ko talaga, Siya na ang THE ONE- GOD’S WILL kumbaga. Akala ko lang ‘yun dre. AKALA KO LANG. Nais kong sumigaw sa sobrang sakit, pero may makakarinig pa ba? No matter how strong a girl is, she always has a breaking point.

What screw us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be. Because supposedly, pinangako naming sa isa’t-isa na maghihintayan.. Unfortunately, SHIT HAPPENS. If someone is stupid enough to walk away from you, be smart enough to let them go.

At ‘eto pa ang pinaka-matinde, Siya pa ang nakipagbreak saken. Ang tanga ko rin naman para maniwala sa cool-off at space niya. I told myself : “ Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. Sometimes a good heart doesn’t see the bad.”

Sana masabihan ko ang next girl na mag-ingat sa mga kasinungalingan niya. He asked for a chance last October 16, 2013 at nakipag-break lang pag ika 14 ng Pebrero, 2014. Wow. Belib din ako sa galing niya. Blockbuster hit. Parang sampal sa pagkababae ko ang ginawa niya. That’s what happens when you let people in, and they destroy you.

Summer days of 2014, stupid me. Lagi pa rin kaming nagkikita kahit wala na kami for the sake that I hope that we could work things out again. Minsan bulag talaga ang pag-ibig, kahit nagpapakatanga ka na, ‘GO LANG NG GO dre!’. So, If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks through your mistakes, smiles even when you’ve done nothing for her, it’s obvious she’s a keeper. But it’s also obvious that you don’t deserve her. BOOM.

Ang sakit talaga. Ang sakit sakit ng ginawa niya sa’kin. Ewan ko lang kung mapapatawad ko pa siya o ang mismong sarili ko. What’s wrong with me? Ano bang kakulangan ko? Ganito ba ‘pag sobra kang magmahal dapat na sobra ring masaktan? All of us, wanted to love and be loved in return. To feel we are valued and cared for. One of the hardest things to do in life, is letting go of what you thought was real.

Sana, mapatawad ko pa siya at ang sarili ko. Gusto kong makalimot sa sakit na dulot ng nakaraan. Maybe, just maybe.. I entrusted my heart to the wrong guy. He borrowed my heart yet he just returned it to me broken in pieces. I feel like I’m waiting for something that isn’t going to happen. Oh Dear Me, it may seem like the wrong thing to do but you have to forget about the guy who forgot about you.

Lagi nalang ganito sa aming dalawa, paulit-ulit… away-bati. Sasaya ka sa piling niya dahil after niyang mag-“sorry”, papatawarin agad. No questions ask. Pero pag sinaktan ka niya, hayun, iiyak ka na naman. Minsan, naiisip ko na ang hina kong babae. Yes, I admit it. I cried a lot everytime he hurts me. Pinapababa ko na pride ko, but even so, it seems nothing matters to what I say to him. I struggled to fix every problem we have… but it also seems, the fight I’m trying to win is the fight that I am going to be defeated in the end.

One of the hardest things to do in life is walk away from someone you love. But sometimes you have no choice.(sigh*)

Dahil sa kanya, mas nalilimutan ko na ‘yung mga bagay na importante pa sa isang romantic relationship. Lesson learned. I said to myself: “Ayoko na ng ganitong paulit-ulit na cycle.” She moved on, and I feel sorry for you, because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever. If she could have had any guy in the world, she still would have picked you. Now, you’re just another part of her past, a memory more faded every day. And someday, she’ll find the one she deserves, and he will make her the happiest girl in the world.

Babangon ako sa pagkakalugmok ng sarili. This is my greatest downfall in life. But I have faith in the Lord, and I still have the people I value the most in my life- Mama, Papa and Sis, Friends that always support me. I believe that the ones who love you will never leave you. Even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on.

Actually, ‘di ko naman talaga kailangan ng guy para madama kong “loved” ako at para ma prove and existence ko ditto sa world. Every girl is a freak, it just takes the right guy to bring it out. Eenjoyin ko ‘tong single life ko, dahil alam kong minsan lang ang maging Malaya. Hindi man kami nag work-out, alam kong darating din ang taong babago ng pananaw ko sa buhay at ang taong magtuturo sa ‘kin kung paano magmahal. Ang madarama ang tunay na kahulugan nito and the one guy who will bring out the best of me.

Yung lalaking yun, sana mahanap niya na rin ang taong para sa kanya. I wish I could hurt you the way you hurt me. But I know that if I had the chance, I wouldn’t do it. Siguro, sa ngayon, nasasaktan pa rin ako, pero, I will never forget the things I’ve learned in a relationship. Ang pag-ingatan ang puso at ipagkatiwala lamang sa taong deserving nito.

Forgiving you is my gift to you. Moving on is my gift to myself. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe it’s you on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.

God didn’t give me the strength to get back on me feet so that I can run back to the same thing that knocked me down.

To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn’t winning, and it isn’t losing. It’s not about pride, and it’s not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn’t blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, and overcome and move on. It’s having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It’s learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It’s about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It’s realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path, and to set you free. ❤

2012-2014

#RBA

Lonely Poet from Southeast

Almie. Philippines

Across the vast ocean of Visayas,

There is an island called Panay,

Where this lonely poet resides,

It is where her education is located.

From the scorching heat of the sun,

To the singing breeze of wind,

She sailed across the islands of Surigao

To Cebu and To Iloilo.

Lovely view, she sees.

Hoping for hope,

A career in the future,

As lovely as a tree.

She doubts for golds and madness

Instead she aims for joy and fulfillness

The day her feet stop by in the port,

Feeling of loneliness she felt away.

Breakingaway those sorrows,

Working it out to and fro

Thoroughly embodied knowledge

And wisdom to be wise.

This lonely poet has a lover.

A lover from there province,

I say no months of tears,

Say no days of sadness.

There comes moments of despairs,

No one to hold, no one to cure.

Just a little prayer,

All she became was a healer.

Soon after the downs and failures,

Love will find her way,

All those broken promises and

Disappointments all faded away.

Strengthened her heart

Accepted the defeat,

All the love she ever receive,

She’s thankful as can be.

To be a fool is a choice,

To be a martyr twice is stupidity,

To be moron is a sin,

To be weak is illness.

The heart of the lonely poet,

All turned into pieces,

When she saw his loving lover,

Sitting down staring at another bliss.

Crying it loud last night

On the day of the hearts she lay,

One letter to God she sent,

Hoping for the recovery of her soul.

Painful as it may sound,

Hurting as it may to tell.

All the sacrificed joy all poured,

To a guy who just taken her for granted, I’m sure.

Deeper meaning of words,

The lonely poet sat down to write

A poem of feelings as it she call it,

Profound understanding is her hobby.

She tried to close her eyes,

She remembered the very detail

How he looks at her,

That stare he had given once for her.

The lonely poet tried to look back

Reminisced all the memories that they had

She asked why and where did she go wrong,

She asked what else am I less for?

Convincing oneself to love you is harsh

Pity is the source.

Like a rose, trampled on the ground,

Her feelings was dying for him.

Due to a numerous of chances,

Nothing changed just the becoming of worst,

Living through the promises of forever

Where would it take her by the lies?

Poor lonely poet,

All was left was her thoughts of feelings,

Being cheated, robbed by the man he trusts

She doesn’t know how to live by again,

New day has come,

New unfolded thoughts coming up.

It might be sounding so quick,

Atlast she comes to her senses.

To know her limits,

To know her worth,

Importance to her youth,

Significance to her existence.

Live not by giving the happiness to a person

Being careful enough to trust it all

Heart is just a fragile cause

Might be damaged and hard to heal itself.

She stand tall and let it go,

Everyday where she goes,

She will remember him,

Not just a memory but a lesson.

Wasted love she might say,

Through it all, it’s worth the try.

The trial in search for true love isn’t easy afterall.

In the long run, one will not leave you nor forsake you.

That’s Jesus Christ, she believes in Him,

The one real love of all,

Her faith on Him rising up

Like a phoenix on fire.

To love is for two,

Not just for one,

To love is to heal,

To forgive and to be humble.

To love and be loved in return,

To be happy, and to make someone happy,

To give and never expect to receive.

To create an everlasting sense of commitment.

Trust is important,

Never lose it.

Love is both a choice and a feeling.

Never take it for granted.

The lonely poet is moving on,

Leaving the past behind her.

To continue life,

And living life to the fullest.

She discovers that she has everything,

She has Christ, Family, Friends and good education.

She somehow realizes how important it is to take care of her heart.

To free herself from loss and let it not be part.

Her life is like a rolling stone,

Sometimes she’s up, sometimes she’s down.

But she never is afraid to walk thru it.

Along its final way, she knew she will survive.

The perfect time will come,

By God’s perfect plan it will be very soon.

To delight by God’s love,

Hope will never die from her heart.

The lonely poet never know where it will be going,

She will just enjoy the thrill or dismay.

But she believes in her heart,

God has prepared a man exclusively only for her.

“Come what may lonely poet, Come what may my dearest self.”

Father-Daughter Sexual-Assault: “Tay, ‘wag po!”

“Violated all limits of humanity and showed no repentance over his offence, this is a TOAST.”

A teenage girl thought that she and her family were living a normal life. But then she discovered that she had been sexually abused ever since the age of 10. Twelve years on, she recalls that devastating day and the traumatic events that followed.

Family is the basic unit of the society. As a group of related people, it mainly works for the development of its children to let them grow as good citizens. Teaching them in life and how to cope up from mistakes is part of growing up within their progress.

As children went on to teenage life, parental guidance and a solid control over their teens is done which is to say that the father as the head of the family would govern the life of his 12-year old daughter in particular. Through their years inside their house, teaching them the essence of discipline and moral conduct is number 1 in the checklist of a Father.

However, child neglect or abuse on the part of individual parents occurs continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is normal.

Here enters what we call, dysfunctional families that are primarily a result of co-dependent adults, and may also be affected by addictions, such as substance abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.), or sometimes an untreated mental illness. Rape cases such as father – daughter sexual assault is an example. He is forcing his daughter to do unnatural sex, by slapping, and other kinds of cruelty. Sexual assault includes coercion, physical threats, abuse of power/ authority or incapability of the person to give consent for instance he has mental disability, underage or unconscious.

A teen-sex-abuser father do not believe that what they do is wrong. They convince themselves that his daughter wants it to happen as much as they do; indeed, it is not uncommon for them to blame his daughter for leading them on. It is in this denial that the danger to other teens lies. If an abuser does not believe that what he does is harmful, he has no reason not to do it again.

Rape is not a new case to the Philippines. Ever since, there are a number of rape incidences happening over the country. One of these cases is the “father-daughter rape case” wherein the father forces his daughter to have sex with him through intimidation, authority or physical threat. Most of these victims are under the legal age. According to PNP Women and Children Protection Center, 75.5 % are child victims of rape from 1999 to present. The department of social welfare and development conducted a report on the prevalence of rape cases by age group. The report shows that ages 14-18 are the ones who are involved in this incident.

          Being the father of victim, it was his duty to protect her from any such assault but he himself violated all limits of humanity and committed rape upon her.

Frat-Sor Violence

Enduring almost seven weeks of rigorous hazing–paddling, face-slapping, body-punching and worse–and he/she became a respected brother/sister for it.

Fraternities, sororities and other organizations has become a staple in the Philippines education system. Unfortunately, some practices present today in fraternities defeat the purpose of brotherhood and camaraderie. Frat-Sor related violence has become rampant and is subjected to hazing and inhumane acts.

Man as a social being, is definitely in need to belong in a family, group, tribe, club, organization or community. For some who seeks the allure and exclusivity, brotherhoods or sisterhoods, fraternities and sororities, street gangs, military units and secret societies are held for that special sense of belonging, kinship, and bonding- as for the promise that membership in this different kind of community of men and women will guarantee lifelong benefits, privileges, reassurances, and advantages in the long run. In return, one accepts the ethos of a brotherhood/sisterhood, following set of ideals, and commitment to a code of silence.

Young people who were interviewed observed that there were benefits to be earned by joining a fraternity/sorority: “For social purposes” (Shera Mortejo, UPV); “To have connections and affiliations”(Zsareena Zabala, UPV); “To boost self-esteem” (Sean Labastida, UPV); “For them to have people to rely on especially in times of troubles” (Arniel Lisondra, MSU-IIT);  “To have another family. To belong. To fit in. To be loved” (Lala Calle, UPV);  “To gain acceptance and feel some kind of belongingness. Some also join for quest and thirst for power” (Syrine Podadera, FEU); “Promised protection & security, social elevation” (Clyde Aguillon, UPLB); “To not feel alone.”(Dan Borongan, UPV); “Peer Pressure”(Aizel Divinagracia, USC); “They can’t find love with their family” (Davy Abella, USC); “Sense of “damayan”(Dua Uriarte, SU); “Personal preference- maybe their parents were fratmen”(Emman Aller, UPV); “They feel safe and settled that they have people who share similar beliefs and values”(Jessa Temelo, UPV) “To gain respect”( Kenneth Baay, SPUS); “Sponsorship and solid connection” (James Luchavez, UPV); “It is one way of being cool”(Gabriel Lerona, UPV); “For greater circle of friends and the benefits after college like easy job application”(May Ann Ybañez, UPV); “Academic support”,(Joeylyn Terania, UPV); “To be able to learn and use the learnings as an instrument to give service to fellowmen, having a family and fun activities” (Kulit 5th)

If there are pluses, there are also minuses. There are gray areas in which one shouldn’t forget. Often, the violence is meted out with measures of restraint. But one too many times it is dispensed with savage and unrestrained brutality, with pledges beaten to a pulp. And sometimes, in the name of fraternity, death occurs. The underlying fact is that the term called “hazing” can possibly account during any Fraternity or Sorority initiation rites. Basically, it has been a practice as a part of the initiation rites to be conducted. It’s a form of conditioning that, in theory, is said to teach pledges the meaning of authority and loyalty (by bullying them into submission), foster camaraderie among new recruits (by collectively subjecting them to pain and humiliation), and make them value the privilege of being accepted into the brotherhood (by making them work hard to get in).

Even though that these seem like noble intentions, the problem with hazing is that it can get too far. Sometimes, these traditions are left in the hands of late teens and early 20’s college students which is to say that they are unsupervised young adults that might be drunk and lack knowledge of how much physical and psychological torture the human body can tolerate. As a matter of fact, 82% of deaths from violent hazing involve alcohol.

Men and women are willing to suffer through the hazing rituals of physical and psychological abuse for that fraternity/sorority. Heavy doses of both can result to extreme degrees of physical violence and degrading insults. The so-called “Neophytes” are meant to humble pledges to their “Lord Masters”.

The consequences of psychological abuse are often hidden. But sometimes, after the hazing, beneath the seeming normalcy, there is a lifetime of psychological scars or wounds that never heal.

For physical abuse, the marks are visible, usually caused by the most common form of abuse in the tradition of hazing that is “paddling”- MUCH WORSE THAN IT SOUNDS, MUCH MORE THAN A PADDLE. The consequence is often inflicted with brutality, almost always, causing the part of the body to “ube”- the vernacular for the bloody bruising. In the name of  frat/sor, the ability to endure the brutality is considered a measure of bravery, resolve, and worthiness.

Taking the risk is not that easy to fall into. A lot is being said and written about the recent fraternity hazing incidents that killed a student and severely injured three others from the De La Salle University—College of St. Benilde, and critically wounded another from the University of the Philippines. Fingers are being pointed, legislative bills are being submitted, investigations are being conducted, and lawsuits are being filed.

Numerous incidents happened in the Philippines with Frat/Sor issues. But in that case, one should not put the blame mutually on all existing fraternities and sororities. As the government seeks to form a task force to ban frat/sor, many reasons compromises it because fraternities and sororities have a place in society. Besides, fraternities provide for various human needs — a surrogate family, a place for young men and women to forge friendships, bonding, and trust, a milieu of kindred spirits, a place to experience community. It is the hazing that is the unnecessary ritual, and the deaths from it so senseless.

Despite the deaths and known risks, some sororities and fraternities continue with their conspiratorial regimens of torture. Despite having been criminalized by Republic Act 8049 more than a decade ago, the deaths continue. Despite “zero-tolerance” edicts and sound bites, when hazing season comes around, schools and universities turn a blind eye, waiting for the next death—when it becomes the occasion for the usual public outcry, condemnation and condolence.

Studies First

As I start to realize that I have grown such strong attachment to someone than anybody else.

This time, I have driven all my emotions to an end so that I can ease the pain.

I held tears but I can’t.

I hid all the grudge but I can’t.

And it seems that I was the only one suffering to this type of teenage problem in which I never expected to have.

Somehow my childhood days were colorful, I wonder why I changed and became an “EMO” all the way of entering in my college years.

I have decided not to be drowned by tears while studying and so I have come up with an idea to stop something I have been doing for the past two years.

And that’s….

TO STOP LOVING A PERSON

whom you thought that will love you more than you do.

whom you thought that will bring out the best in you.

whom you thought that will never leave you no matter what.

whom you thought that will be holding your hands forever.

whom you thought that will never make you cry.

whom you thought that will make a thousands laughs for you.

whom you thought that will see to it that you’re okay.

whom you thought that will text you and call you every night.

whom you thought that will handle your feelings carefully.

whom you thought that will not take you for granted.

whom you thought that will be there for you when you have problems.

whom you thought that will help you out.

whom you thought that will strengthen you.

whom you thought that will keep his promises of “4ever”

whom you thought that will never leave…

BUT HE LEFT.

All this emotional expos of mine are just “pautwas”.

In the sense that I’ve tried my best for that particular person, but my best wasn’t good enough to make him stay in my life. Am I too cruel? too demanding? too OA? too ugly? too pretty? (oh, well)

Somewhat, I have come to the point where I felt hopelessness in life. From that moment, I realized that I made a mistake for giving myself wholeheartedly to a man who’s not worth my tears. Doing my best is maybe just a piece of shit for him.

What does it take to commit yourself to give time and effort for the one you love?

Is it that hard?

My heart was crushed by this person whom I thought is “THE ONE”.

Seems like I was wrong.

Even though I have been experiencing heartaches for the past 2 years since I met him, loved him, but I didn’t want to hold unto grudges towards him. I am a forgivable person and also, I don’t want to tear my heart apart by being mad always.

I may be single for now, but I know I am not alone with the presence of Jesus who is my Savior in my life. Moving on is easy if I will just have to trust on His words: “I am the way, the truth, and the life”, I believe that through Him and in Him, I will achieve “PEACE” in my heart.

In addition, I will just have to focus on what’s important in my life. Knowing my priorities is a must. I am a goal-oriented person who wants to be a Chemical Engineer someday. Of course, I always prayed and hoping to reach my dreams soon. I know I am one day closer to the answers just as the time flies.

I might lose my objectives if I will choose to be miserable all the time. Why not smile and let the world wonder why?

Right? 🙂

For now, I will trust for God’s perfect timing.

Love is not a fairy tale here on earth. I know my life is just temporary here on land but with JESUS CHRIST who lifted up my spirit, with my family who became my inspiration, with friends who supported me and with all the gifts/blessings of God that keeps me going, I am greatly motivated.

Studies first, my passion for studying will never end.

Let me end this article with this saying, “I may be bent but not broken, because if God brings you to it, He will brings you through it..”

God bless everyone. Love Love Love 🙂

-SoulWriter2k14