Puting Rosas

Sa bawat paglakad ay damang dama ang labis na pagkasabik ng puso. Hindi maintindihan ang nadarama sa unang sulyap ng iyong mga mata. Tila bukambibig ang lahat ng matatamis na bagay sa mundo. Ang sarili ay ‘di maalintana sapagkat tumatangis ang bawat silakbol ng damdamin at ika’y niyakap sa unang pagkakataon… Oo, sa kauna-unahang pagkakataong nakita ka, sa wakas.

Kasing bilis rin ng dyip ang pag-apaw ng kasiyahang hatid ng bawat pag-ngiti. Hindi pansin ang paligid pagkat ang iyong paggalaw lamang ang tanging sinisilip. Sulyap ng mata’y hindi maiwas, karugtong ng pag-ambit ng bawat tinaga mula sa iyong malalim na pagbigkas na tila’y musika sa ‘king pandinig.

Mga kwentong marathon na hindi mahahalili sa mga nababasa sa telebisyon. Kahit maghapon na magkasama’y tuloy pa rin ang pagkilala sa isa’t isa na ‘di ko mawari na ganito pala… Ganito pala kaysarap titigan ang iyong mga mata, pakinggan ang iyong mga tinaga, ang hawakan ang iyong mga kamay, ang sumandal sa iyong balikat habang pinapakinggan ang musikang tayo lamang ang nakakarinig. Ganito pala kaysarap mahulog sa iyo, oh, giliw ko.

Di ko namalayan ang oras ng bawat pag patak ng segundo sa bawat pagtama ng ating mga mata ay tila natatamaan ang puso. Hahayaan nalang ang damdamin na tila langit ang nadarama tulad ng pagsikat ng araw sa silangan hanggang sa paglubog nito sa kanluran. Walang katapusang saloobin kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Sa kung ano ang meron sa wala at kung ano ang wala sa meron. Pagkat ‘di ko mapagtanto kung bakit tila ang pagtawa mo ang pinapapangarap ko.

Ang mga butuin sa kalangitan ay walang katulad sa kislap ng iyong mga mata. Ang pagdampi ng lamig ng hangin sa aking balat ay ‘di alintana pagkat ang presensya mo ay nangingibabaw. Isinawasiwas lamang ang pagka hiya ‘pagkat hangad lamang ay ang makilala ka. Hindi pansin ang mga taong nasa paligid dahil sa patuloy kong pinagmamasdan ang bawat anggulo mo na babaunin ko sa pag-alis. Sa pag-alis kong baon ang iyong mga ngiti at tawa, baon ang kwento mong salamin ng iyong buhay, baon ang mga alaalang parte ako ng buhay mo sa oras na ito.. mula sa ‘ting pagkikita hanggang sa aking pagsakay.

Sa pagduyan ay laman ng isipan ang pangakong hintayan. Sa dapit hapon ng ating pag liway, tugma ang bawat ritmo na sumasang-ayon sa labis na tiwala na ‘di malilimutan kailanpaman. Hindi linggid sa ‘king kaalaman na ganito pala kasaya ang isiping hindi ako nag-iisa sa pagtungo sa kinabukasan. Sa tuwina ay napapaindak sa saya, dama ang kaba, at lahat ng pwedeng madama sa hatid nitong hamon sa buhay ko. ‘Di mapigil ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso, tanong ko tuloy, ito na ba ang para sa akin?

Pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili sa kasiyahang parang sumasabog ang lahat ng nasa loob ko. Kasabay ng pag-agos ng dugo sa aking mga ugat ay ang paggulo ng sistema na ‘di ko lubos maintindihan. Ngunit kabigha-bighani ang kapayapaang natagpuan sa balikat mo nang sa pagsandal ko’y dama ang bawat sandali nito.

Walang pakundangan ang kulitan na sa’yo lamang iaalay. Pangako ay mananaig, magunaw man ang daigdig. Pero alam kong daig ka pa saken kung kiligin, awh ah. Hahahaha! Tila wala na ‘tong katapusan, tadhana na ang may sadya tulad ng kalawakang walang hanggan. Sa daraang araw, oras, at sandali,  dagdag sa mithiin ko sa buhay, ay aalayan ka ng pang-habangbuhay- wagas at tapat na suyuan hanggang sa huli oh, giliw ko.

October 29, 2016

 

 

Come what may

I looked at the stars yet I saw darkness. I was thinking that whichever corner my eyes drew into, there will always be that longing for sparks. Just a little forward? backward? side ward? How much farther can I go for distant lights? How many years does it take to say that “life has finally happened to me!”

 

Wishing for the right time, patience has its way to offer for the best. In midst of difficulties, one must soar high to collect stars, not by gazing but to reach for them. To jump high, no, but to jump higher and believe that we are the stars of our own selves.

 

Failures make us stronger and independent. I am one of the billion people in the world who has gone countless depression and frustrations in life. And I say sorry for myself, for the things I have done and for the things I have failed to accomplish. I don’t want to rant each part of it but in general, to aim for the best shot is not that easy. Bumpy roads and a never ending ups and downs do come in my way but I know God has come to save the day. I admit, I once told myself to just give up because it is the easier than to keep up the struggles going. But the Lord is keeping on pursuing me to stay still and focus on forward. I have tried to step down that road of sorrows just to consider my tiredness. But, soon I realized, I can never escape that road. The longer I remain sitting down on that corner, is the longer it would make me to see the best days of my life. I know right now, it may seem like I have not yet done my best-est yet, but I also know for sure that every single day is closer to improvement as long as I keep going and go for the extra mile. My dreams are still inside of me. Keeping the fire burning and a never ending adventure awaits. Come what may.

 

In time

In time,

we would wonder why,

why things would happen out of our control.

 

In time,

we would be puzzled,

puzzled about how we handle our life.

 

In time,

we would be convinced,

convinced that life isn’t perfect.

 

In time,

we would become regretful,

regretful with the chances we didn’t take.

 

In time,

we would try to think,

think about the dreams we want to achieve.

 

In time,

we would realize,

realize that at the end of the day, we are left alone.

 

In time,

we would discover,

discover that we are free as birds fly above.

 

In time,

we would fight,

fight for the good fight of faith.

 

In time,

we would fly,

fly to the other side of the world to find ourselves.

 

In time,

we would ditch,

ditch our fears and doubts to face the unknown.

 

In time,

we would sacrifice,

sacrifice our life for someone to live.

 

In time,

we would make a choice,

make a choice between what you want or what is right.

 

In time,

we would forget,

forget about reality and truths.

 

In time,

we would struggle,

struggle to ride on the bumpy road of life.

 

In time,

we would forgive,

forgive ourselves from the mistakes we made.

 

In time,

we would wish,

wish that tomorrow will get better.

 

In time,

we would accept,

accept that life is what we make it.

 

In time,

we would do more,

do more than just exist.

 

Because in time,

we would love,

love to see the world much more differently.

 

Because in time,

we would smile,

smile despite the tears falling from our eyes.

 

Because in time,

we would hide,

hide the pain and make the world wonder why.

 

Because in time,

we would grow strong,

grow strong and never be afraid to go wrong.

 

Because in time,

we would feel,

feel the glimpse of heaven for real.

 

In time.

In time..

In time…

21 Tries

 

I.

The dreams in the vast horizons,

Entwined to the road of infinity,

From its first blossom to metamorphosis

It’s grandeur and never ending bloom.

II.

“Ding-dong” calls the chances,

Letting it echo in my head.

Got some questions, got it covered.

What would I do to live it in joy?

III.

Is this the chaotic war in humanity?

To be confused and feeling like exploding,

With thoughts I’ve kept inside,

Therefore, this should stop.

IV.

Where would I stand?

Let the river flow?

or go against the current?

Let me distance with these decisions.

V.

The birds that fly along the mountains,

Any bird will do as long as it deviate my mind,

Blocking its view in my eyes,

But never the heart in distraction.

VI.

Living through the life I wanted,

Translating the voices in my head,

Connecting the dots along the choices I make,

To be puzzled by the thought of love.

VII.

Love? How can I say it best?

How can I defend myself from its terrible will?

Give me my fair trial…

I’m not yet ready to be imprisoned forever.

VIII.

There are bunch of things on my mind right now,

Proceeding to the negativity at its own way,

Following all the commutative laws of the norm,

Tell me my heart, what do I stand for?

IX.

Keep me away from the fire of love,

I might die from its burning desire.

Forgive me my dearest heart,

You are something I can’t endure.

X.

To whom can I rely?

Can you me why?

Writing my own thoughts,

To whom can I quote?

XI.

This truth at the back of my mind,

To which I cannot deny.

Am I falling for him all along?

Or was this just a created confusion?

XII.

I cannot define what’s inside my bottled feelings,

So afraid of what it could reveal.

Inside of me, no one holds the key,

But only Him alone knows where the door held.

XIII.

Tell me I’m insane and weak,

For simplicity sake, I still insist:

“I’m not in love! I’m not,I’m not”

As the shouts exploded, my heart cried.

XIV.

To love and to be loved in return,

Isn’t it wonderful dear Almie?

Says the crying heart

But how can I know if he is the One?

XV.

As far as I know,

My heart is in alarm,

Torn between the thought of falling,

Am I going to fall in love? or fall into pieces?

XVI.

Hundreds? Thousands? It might be Millions…

Millions of butterflies attacking my belly,

Feelings I cannot comprehend,

Because you were just a dream I once knew.

XVII.

Why am I like this nowadays?

Longed to hold someone’s arms.

I just can’t believe this is happening inside my system,

I never thought, I would be right for you.

XVIII.

Is there something that is much greater than love?

It’s a thing I cannot drive at my control.

My will is weakened by it’s powerful clash,

Can I just give in and let it flow me?

XIX.

Show me the road to light,

I cannot conquer its bright.

Blinded by the shine it brings,

Filled with magic coated with weirdness feelings.

XX.

I have doubted myself a hundred times,

In any ways, I find resolutions,

To fulfill my mind with hope,

To still have faith in love and the joy it brings…

XXI.

Remembering the happiness I felt whenever I’m with you,

From the first time you uttered my name,

I smile and wondered, my world became new,

How can I stop myself from falling in love with you?